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SandChigger
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Postby SandChigger » 27 Jan 2009 22:54

UGH!!! :roll:




:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Schu
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Postby Schu » 27 Jan 2009 23:32

So what's the duniverse equivalent of "jiggling the whammy"?

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SandChigger
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Postby SandChigger » 28 Jan 2009 01:59

I don't know, Schu-by, I got nuttin'.

;)

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Schu
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Postby Schu » 28 Jan 2009 02:48

Or is it just more a case of "Oh my lady, you can jiggle my whammy anytime!"?

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SandChigger
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Postby SandChigger » 28 Jan 2009 03:00

Bam chicka-waooo-waooo-waooo-waooo-wow? :shock:
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Freakzilla
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Postby Freakzilla » 28 Jan 2009 08:46

Schu wrote:So what's the duniverse equivalent of "jiggling the whammy"?


Planting a thumper?

Mounting the worm?

It's loaded with inuendo.
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GamePlayer
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Postby GamePlayer » 28 Jan 2009 12:17

Baraka Bryan wrote:lol 4 pages of that after coming home from vacation is a little overwhelming :P :vomit:


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re:

Postby cmsahe » 04 Feb 2009 02:28

"Jessica, Don't you want to ride my worm?"
Only the books written by Frank Herbert are canon.


Who We Are and What We Stand For
http://www.jacurutu.com/viewtopic.php?p=79778#p79778
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Postby cmsahe » 04 Feb 2009 02:33

Freakzilla wrote:
SandRider wrote:
Gurney's monstrous and silky smooth hands.


moisturizer ?


Inconsistancy! Gurney is a Swordmaster, his hands should be caloused.


It's just an In-Universe inconsistency! :wink:
Only the books written by Frank Herbert are canon.


Who We Are and What We Stand For
http://www.jacurutu.com/viewtopic.php?p=79778#p79778
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Postby chanilover » 04 Feb 2009 16:15

Gazing nonchalantly out of the windows of Castle Caladan, Jessica sighed.
“What it must be like to live a life free of the burdens of power, Gurney. I look upon the simple lives of paradan melon farmers with envy.”

“Mmmm, melons” muttered Gurney to himself as he tuned the strings on his baliset.

“Did you say something, Gurney man?” asked Jessica.

“Nay, nothing, my lady” replied Gurney as he stole a glance at Jessica’s full breasts, still pert and inviting despite her passing into middle age.
He thought back to the time on Arrakis, so many moons ago, when he had caught a glimpse of Jessica getting out of the shower, the drops of water glistening on her silky smooth skin. How long had it been? Fifteen, twenty years? It still provided mental fodder for jerking off all these years later.

Jessica crossed the room and spotted something on the floor. With one fluid motion, she bent over to pick it up. Rather than standing up, for some reason she could not fathom, she continued to bend over. Suddenly, from out of the animal depths of her psyche, she began to gently shake her backside. Overcome with primal urges, she felt her shapely behind begin to shake faster, her entire being moving to the sounds of unheard music, which sounded a bit like a vinegary laugh in her mind.

Her mind exploded with the uninvited shriekings of her slutty ancestors from other memory. She sensed in her mind, rather than felt, Gurney’s rough hands pull her skirts up and she shivered as Gurney spun her around to reveal his penis, throbbing like an enraged sandworm.
Jessica gasped, she couldn’t believe the size of his member.

They rutted furiously on the sofa, and all of a sudden Jessica heard a cackling in her mind and was horrified to see a grossly fat shape emerge from the shadows of her mind. Rolls of fat buoyed up by suspensors. A big fat ginger queen playing with his rotten penis as he watched Jessica being pumped by Gurney.

“Oh yes, daughter. You didn’t think I’d miss this, did you?”

“Begone, foul fiend!” Jessica screamed inside her head, “you shall not possess me, you fat twat”

“Stick your fingers up his bum, and he will be yours forever”
Unable to resist, Jessica inserted her delicate fingers into Gurney’s eagerly hungry bumhole, and was horrified to hear the Baron laughing inside her head.

She grabbed a hairpin, and, as if in a dream, began to stab Gurney repeatedly in the face.

“My lady!” roared Gurney, “what foul play is this?”

She slashed his throat with Muad’Dib’s ornamental knife which she kept at her calf. Oh the irony! Gurney was killed by Master Paul’s knife.
Jessica then began to drink the blood from Gurney’s neck, her teeth growing longer. She felt her vampiric self overcome her mind. Even the Baron was a bit shocked by this turn of events.

Smearing left-over blood over her naked form, her breasts covered in blood, she then slashed at Gurney’s stomach and pulled his entrails out, then began to eat them.

The doors crashed open and there stood Duncan Idaho.

“I heard you’ve been having problems with your photocopier and I’m here to fixt it” he said, lasciviously.

Strange tacky music began to play from nowhere as Duncan removed his clothes and bent Jessica over the photocopier and did her from behind.
Duncan looked down in horror as Jessica transformed into a vampire in front of him.

“Hot” he thought to himself, as their bodies slammed against each other.

They both then roared in anger as the entire building came crashing down on them, under the weight of attack of Cymek forces. Then they were both dead.
"You and your buddies and that b*tch Mandy are nothing but a gang of lying, socially maladjusted losers." - St Hypatia of Arrakeen.
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Mandy
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Postby Mandy » 04 Feb 2009 17:01

Oh lord :D
As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Hypatia approaches one.

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Schu
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Postby Schu » 04 Feb 2009 17:12

Yep! Well done, Chanilover!

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Postby Omphalos » 04 Feb 2009 18:18

:shock:

Wow. Not as happy-go-lucky as usual, eh? Perchance did you get fired today or something? :D

Or, were you channeling Bubba?

Bubba wrote:"Hwi shiverred in fear. "Not the punishment again!" Just then the floor broke and Leto and Hwi died. They landed on top of Moneo and Mohiam. Everyone died, but Mohiam went to heaven only. Everyone else went to HELL!

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SandChigger
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Postby SandChigger » 04 Feb 2009 19:12

Well, remember Omph, Jessica is supposed to do something "dark...very dark" in this new book. :roll:

'Luv: LOVED it! :lol:

Sole Man

on Gayness

Postby Sole Man » 04 Feb 2009 20:12

I think he's playing off the whole TWILIGHT thing.

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GamePlayer
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Postby GamePlayer » 05 Feb 2009 00:51

"THE PAIN!!!" :shock:
"They can chew you up, but they gotta spit you out."

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inhuien
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Postby inhuien » 05 Feb 2009 04:27

Chanilover, I hear Rustler are looking for staff writers. Don't ask how I know that I just do.

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Postby SandRider » 05 Feb 2009 10:20

ahh yes, The Rustler magazine, founded by a crazy outspoken
rodeo clown in the sixties - they said it couldn't be done, who wants to
look at that, but he did it anyway. Stomped by a bull in the early
seventies, ended up in a wheelchair ....

Bunkhouse was another of my favorites, I esp. liked the Letters section.

Dear Bunkhouse:

I never thought somethin like this woulda happen to me, but t'other day
I came in from the doctor'n and Miss Wanda Jane, the Boss's daughter,
was all nekkid in the water'n trough....
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
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how to fully interact with people.
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Postby chanilover » 05 Feb 2009 15:38

Omphalos wrote::shock:

Wow. Not as happy-go-lucky as usual, eh? Perchance did you get fired today or something? :D



:lol: No, but they are working me like a bitch.
"You and your buddies and that b*tch Mandy are nothing but a gang of lying, socially maladjusted losers." - St Hypatia of Arrakeen.
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Sole Man

On Sex descriptions

Postby Sole Man » 05 Feb 2009 15:50

Rumor circulating around the offices of the HLP:

Kevin walked up to his slave and said, "What up, Bri-Bri?"
"Hey Kevvie, how's it going'?"
"Awesome! I was just in the ally and I saw this sreally hot chick walking by. I ran over, grabbed her, tore her clothes from her swet, supple skin, and pounded dep into her while she screamed. Our bodies become infused, becuase, ya' know, love of two is one. I continued to thrust into er sweet body, then turned her around and creamed her face. One of th egreatest rapes in history."
"Wow. Do you even know who she is? You know her name?"
"Yeah, Kevin J. Anderson said. "Dune. I raped Dune."

(Oh, I'm sorry, Dune

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Postby Tleszer » 05 Feb 2009 16:32

It would be funny if it weren't true :cry:
DUNE, as interpreted by a blue man with a green tushie

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Re: On Sex descriptions

Postby chanilover » 06 Feb 2009 02:49

Sole Man wrote:Rumor circulating around the offices of the HLP:

Kevin walked up to his slave and said, "What up, Bri-Bri?"
"Hey Kevvie, how's it going'?"
"Awesome! I was just in the ally and I saw this sreally hot chick walking by. I ran over, grabbed her, tore her clothes from her swet, supple skin, and pounded dep into her while she screamed. Our bodies become infused, becuase, ya' know, love of two is one. I continued to thrust into er sweet body, then turned her around and creamed her face. One of th egreatest rapes in history."
"Wow. Do you even know who she is? You know her name?"
"Yeah, Kevin J. Anderson said. "Dune. I raped Dune."

(Oh, I'm sorry, Dune


:lol: How Kevvie spunked over Frank Herbert's legacy.
"You and your buddies and that b*tch Mandy are nothing but a gang of lying, socially maladjusted losers." - St Hypatia of Arrakeen.
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Postby trang » 07 Feb 2009 17:35

Gurney walks into Jessica's chamber at Castle Caladan and see's her out on balcony staring off to the sea. She is dressed in a tight fitting garment showing her curves.

Gurney walks up behind her and closes his arms around...

Jessica says "OOOOOH.." with a smile," Gurney man is that a Baliset in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"

Gurney smiles and says," I was wondering if you could do some more of that prana bindu stuff you did on me last week? it was most erotic"

Jessica shakes her head and says " not now Gurney Im not in the mood"

Gurneys temper rises" MOOD....MOODS are things for cattle and LOVEPLAY....um wait..uh.. yea LOVEPLAY!!! So get in the MOOD!!!!! Prana Bindu your ass to the bed before I get rough!!!"

Jessica breaks free, side steps....flips backwards.. in mid-air disrobes ... lands....backflips and lands on the bed on all fours.

The east german judge comes out of closet with a scoring sign of 9.85. Gurney draws his daggars and stabs him 20 times thinking he is a harkonen agent!

Insensed!!! Gurney grabs a thumper and plants it in the stone floor and bellows " I am gonig to ride you like a 400 meter sandworm!!!"

Jessica, hiney in the air, squeals " Im in the mood for Loveplay you big inkvined scar man you, lets do what cattle do!!! MOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Gurney takes a step forward and Jessica screams" wait turn the lights out we have to do this in the dark!!! I dont know why but I must do this in the dark!!! Come get me Gurney man and bring that Third Dagger of yours!!!"

Gurney turns and claps his hands twice, lights go out, he cuts his cloths from his body, his third dagger upright.. moving to Jessica. Gurney stops for a second trying to remember what Leto II told him... what was that he said to remind myself of?

Gurney thinks for second and says in his mind " My daggar is not my own, thats it, My dagger is not my own.. then he thinks then whose it it??"

He has the idea now... He stumbles around to the corner of room and reaches into a tank of sand in corner. He sheaths daggers from his hands and takes from tank two sandtrout. He thinks this will should do the trick:)

He strides to the bed... Inserts his dagger into Jessica from behind... and yells " for PAUL AND THE DUKE!! LONG LIVE THE DUKE!!" and slaps two sandtrout on her hiney, one on each cheek.

Jessica moans..." OH GOD EMPEROR SAVE ME.... OH GURNEY MAN... YOUR AMAZING... OH YEA!!!! Go sandtrout go !!!! OH OH OH OH MMMMMMYYYYYY DDDDUUUUUUUKKKEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

Gurney falls backwards in complete exhaustion... Jessica is moving all over the room in flighty prana bindu movements... part extasy part horror as one sandtrout went in backdoor and the other the frontdoor after gurney fellback.....

Gurney claps his hands lights come on, looks on her in horror as the transformation begins... the places he has sheathed his main daggar all these years begin to close up.....and harden over.

Jessic is all over the room writhing from the sandtrout invasion... to fast for gurney to catch. Gurney moves to the tank of sand and notices as little read sign on it. He bends down and reads....."Warning: never place sand trout on skin in darkness... they have natural instinct to burrow and find cover. Not responsible for resultant transformations... you have been warned... castle management.


Gurney says " what have I done jessica, what have I done"
"Long Live the Fighters", "Dragon.....the other white meat."

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Postby dunepunk » 07 Feb 2009 17:44

Oh good god..... I don't want to know how you came up with that. :puke:
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Tleszer
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Postby Tleszer » 07 Feb 2009 19:20

:shock:

trang wrote:Gurneys temper rises" MOOD....MOODS are things for cattle and LOVEPLAY....um wait..uh.. yea LOVEPLAY!!! So get in the MOOD!!!!! Prana Bindu your ass to the bed before I get rough!!!"

Jessica breaks free, side steps....flips backwards.. in mid-air disrobes ... lands....backflips and lands on the bed on all fours.


:lol: :lol: :lol:

KJA would be proud!
DUNE, as interpreted by a blue man with a green tushie