The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

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SandChigger
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby SandChigger » 27 Jul 2009 23:29

That's nine years of FICTION BOOK TIME. :doh:

:lol:


(Quetzoquesodillias was rather inspired, though. :D )
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby trang » 28 Jul 2009 00:01

maybe he will choke on a pretzel while "dick-ta-hiking" and his voice box will be punctured beyond repair and he will be mute(no offence to mutes out there, I wouldnt want him in my ranks either) and we can breath a sigh of relief that this nightmare will be over.
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby SandChigger » 28 Jul 2009 00:12

Nah, he'd just learn to "write" with his hands. :(

:shock:

No, no, I've got it!

He would learn to sign and then have a have a sign language interpreter tag along on his hikes and read what KJA signed into a recorder!

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! :laughing:
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Tleszer » 28 Jul 2009 06:21

:lol:
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Nekhrun » 28 Jul 2009 09:09

I just had a vision of him grabbing things from his fans and saying kevin j. anderson at each of them and then handing them back to his assistant to actually do the signing.
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Frybread » 28 Jul 2009 09:56

Soooo since KJA views Leto II as an idiot whose Golden Path was a big waste of time, how will he depict the God Emperor in these proposed novels? Will he go from FH's depiction of a brilliant, tortured, lonely ruler who despaired over losing his humanity to a cheap one-dimensional tyrant?

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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Freakzilla » 28 Jul 2009 10:01

Frybread wrote:Soooo since KJA views Leto II as an idiot whose Golden Path was a big waste of time, how will he depict the God Emperor in these proposed novels? Will he go from FH's depiction of a brilliant, tortured, lonely ruler who despaired over losing his humanity to a cheap one-dimensional tyrant?


I'm hoping they will explain his gholas instant transformation trick in the sequels. This should be really good.
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Frybread » 28 Jul 2009 10:04

Freakzilla wrote:
Frybread wrote:Soooo since KJA views Leto II as an idiot whose Golden Path was a big waste of time, how will he depict the God Emperor in these proposed novels? Will he go from FH's depiction of a brilliant, tortured, lonely ruler who despaired over losing his humanity to a cheap one-dimensional tyrant?


I'm hoping they will explain his gholas instant transformation trick in the sequels. This should be really good.



Oh, I forgot about that! That ability makes me wonder why Leto didn't just turn his pre-worm body back into a human form. Would have solved a lot of his problems in GEoD and he would have been able to lay Hwi Noree ;)

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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Freakzilla » 28 Jul 2009 10:10

Frybread wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:
Frybread wrote:Soooo since KJA views Leto II as an idiot whose Golden Path was a big waste of time, how will he depict the God Emperor in these proposed novels? Will he go from FH's depiction of a brilliant, tortured, lonely ruler who despaired over losing his humanity to a cheap one-dimensional tyrant?


I'm hoping they will explain his gholas instant transformation trick in the sequels. This should be really good.



Oh, I forgot about that! That ability makes me wonder why Leto didn't just turn his pre-worm body back into a human form. Would have solved a lot of his problems in GEoD and he would have been able to lay Hwi Noree ;)


Makes his tragic sacrafice that much more insignificant, doesn't it?
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Sev » 28 Jul 2009 10:16

We're talking 'Keith and Bobo' here - there's not going to be any deep psychological studies of Leto - he'll be a Duniverse Superman, still with all four limbs but encased in the sandtrout-skin, faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, single-handedly laying waste to hordes of rebellious houses - it'll be fucking hideous... mark my words.
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Freakzilla » 28 Jul 2009 10:21

Sev wrote:We're talking 'Keith and Bobo' here - there's not going to be any deep psychological studies of Leto - he'll be a Duniverse Superman, still with all four limbs but encased in the sandtrout-skin, faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, single-handedly laying waste to hordes of rebellious houses - it'll be fucking hideous... mark my words.


Oh... I expect it will be much worse than we can even imagine. The super-mega-ultra-insult to FH.
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Frybread » 28 Jul 2009 10:28

Freakzilla wrote:
Frybread wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:
Frybread wrote:Soooo since KJA views Leto II as an idiot whose Golden Path was a big waste of time, how will he depict the God Emperor in these proposed novels? Will he go from FH's depiction of a brilliant, tortured, lonely ruler who despaired over losing his humanity to a cheap one-dimensional tyrant?


I'm hoping they will explain his gholas instant transformation trick in the sequels. This should be really good.



Oh, I forgot about that! That ability makes me wonder why Leto didn't just turn his pre-worm body back into a human form. Would have solved a lot of his problems in GEoD and he would have been able to lay Hwi Noree ;)


Makes his tragic sacrafice that much more insignificant, doesn't it?


Just one more device that Keith has used to deconstruct FH's creation. When I think about that, it makes me hate KJA even more than just being a hack.

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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Hunchback Jack » 28 Jul 2009 11:41

Just FYI, the same site I linked to before has an interview with KJA at some con or other, from last year. You can listen to it in your browser here, or download the MP3 here.

The KJA interview starts about 50 minutes in. Not much new; he rambles a lot about reading H.G. Wells when he was 5 or some shit, and says a lot of annoying things about Dune. The guy's a dweeb.

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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Freakzilla » 28 Jul 2009 11:45

Hunchback Jack wrote:...he rambles a lot about reading H.G. Wells when he was 5 or some shit, and says a lot of annoying things about Dune...

HBJ


:snooty: Bah! I'd read Dune twice by the time I was five! :wink:
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby inhuien » 28 Jul 2009 14:03

^^^Aye, but it was just the word not the book :P

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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby SandChigger » 28 Jul 2009 16:21

Sev wrote:We're talking 'Keith and Bobo' here - there's not going to be any deep psychological studies of Leto - he'll be a Duniverse Superman, still with all four limbs but encased in the sandtrout-skin, faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, single-handedly laying waste to hordes of rebellious houses - it'll be fucking hideous... mark my words.

Actually ... that is probably closer to the truth than you may have intended.

After all, LoD is supposed to be about the first century or two of Leto's reign. :tissue2:
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Hunchback Jack » 28 Jul 2009 16:22

Think of the circus antics *that* little tyke could get up to!

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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Ampoliros » 28 Jul 2009 16:59

Yeah, he wouldn't be able to control his super-worm body if his dad hadn't spent all that time as a jongleur...

Shit. (Sorry SC I know you told me not to post stuff like that.)
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Robspierre » 28 Jul 2009 18:18

Freakzilla wrote:
Ampoliros wrote:maybe TOR will ask him to insert some teenage spice vampires so they can move it to the YA section.


It should be in YA anyway.



That's an insult to YA!

It shouldn't exist at all!

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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Tleszer » 28 Jul 2009 20:53

Ampoliros wrote:Yeah, he wouldn't be able to control his super-worm body if his dad hadn't spent all that time as a jongleur...

Shit. (Sorry SC I know you told me not to post stuff like that.)

Amp, I'm disappointed.
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Sev » 30 Jul 2009 06:20

A second sample chapter is now up at the Macmillan site - and its just as excrutiatingly bad as the first one was - Gurney out hunting with his dogs ("The cool air of that afternoon burned his lungs" :crazy: ) later Jessica hears him crying in his apartment (" the valves of her emotions had been rusted shut with disuse" :puke: ). Twice she describes him as a troubadour warrior. All credit to Chigger for slogging through it all, I feel like I need a bath after just two chapters.
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby TheDukester » 30 Jul 2009 09:48

"Valves of her emotions ..."?

You're making that one up, right? Right? :shock:
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Redstar » 30 Jul 2009 09:56

TheDukester wrote:"Valves of her emotions ..."?

You're making that one up, right? Right? :shock:

You see, hearts have valves, right, and they pump blood... But KJA is being clever here and suggesting they also regulate emotions, and Jessica's valves have stopped. If the blood-flow was stopped thus, you would die. So metaphorically, Jessica is emotionally dead.

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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Tleilax Master B » 30 Jul 2009 11:23

Redstar wrote:
TheDukester wrote:"Valves of her emotions ..."?

You're making that one up, right? Right? :shock:

You see, hearts have valves, right, and they pump blood... But KJA is being clever here and suggesting they also regulate emotions, and Jessica's valves have stopped. If the blood-flow was stopped thus, you would die. So metaphorically, Jessica is emotionally dead.



Ooooohhhh! I get it. Damn, that is clever.

:puke:
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Re: The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

Postby Redstar » 30 Jul 2009 11:31

Tleilax Master B wrote:
Redstar wrote:
TheDukester wrote:"Valves of her emotions ..."?

You're making that one up, right? Right? :shock:

You see, hearts have valves, right, and they pump blood... But KJA is being clever here and suggesting they also regulate emotions, and Jessica's valves have stopped. If the blood-flow was stopped thus, you would die. So metaphorically, Jessica is emotionally dead.



Ooooohhhh! I get it. Damn, that is clever.

:puke:

:wink: