The Winds of Dune: When they blow, they also suck!

[SandChigger]

You're making that one up, right? Right?

No, sadly, not. From my partial scan file:

She felt off balance, adrift. Due to her Bene Gesserit training, the valves of her emotions had been rusted shut with disuse, especially after Leto's death, after she had turned her back on Arrakis and returned here.

But Paul was her son!

I haven't bothered diffing the new chapter against the scan text yet; there may be a word or two different, but it looks about the same, eyeballed.

Damn. Looks like the ARC isn't bogus or fake after all.

More's the pity for Dune.

[Omphalos]

'tho Gurney kept the valves of her loins adequately lubricated, yes?

[Tleilax Master B]

'tho Gurney kept the valves of her loins adequately lubricated, yes?

[SandChigger]

Um, actually, no.

All the shit KJA adds or re-dredges back up from previous McDune in this one and yet he doesn't have the balls to take a definite stand on the Jessica-Gurney question and have them DO it.

SEX would endanger the YA acceptability of the thing, no?

[Omphalos]

Hmmm. I thought that the implication was that they were doing it behind closed doors.

[SandChigger]

Nah, the only thing that goes on behind a closed door is Gurney bawling like a bint.

[Frybread]

A second sample chapter is now up at the Macmillan site - and its just as excrutiatingly bad as the first one was - Gurney out hunting with his dogs ("The cool air of that afternoon burned his lungs" ) later Jessica hears him crying in his apartment (" the valves of her emotions had been rusted shut with disuse" ). Twice she describes him as a troubadour warrior. All credit to Chigger for slogging through it all, I feel like I need a bath after just two chapters.

"... valves of her emotions" is almost as good as, if not better, than "... thunderous sigh." God KJA is a master! A GENIUS!

[Tleszer]

All hail tehJacket!

[SandChigger]

You mean, TehKJAcket?

[Tleszer]

You know it!

[Mr. Teg]

Hmmm. I thought that the implication was that they were doing it behind closed doors.

Actually, I thought the implication was that thekja preferred the back-door.
Not that there's anything wrong with that...

[Tleilax Master B]

Hmmm. I thought that the implication was that they were doing it behind closed doors.

Actually, I thought the implication was that thekja preferred the back-door.
Not that there's anything wrong with that...

That would explain why gurney's crying like a bint

[SandRider]

"tehKJAcket" - there's somebody's new bogus twitter name ....

" .... hung on the chair behind the fat guy all day, it's hot in California .... "

"... got dry-cleaned today. does this mean the fat guy's 'written' another book ?"

"... you know, it's been years since the fat guy could button me .... "

&etc ...

[Bijaz]

"tehKJAcket" - there's somebody's new bogus twitter name ....

" .... hung on the chair behind the fat guy all day, it's hot in California .... "

"... got dry-cleaned today. does this mean the fat guy's 'written' another book ?"

"... you know, it's been years since the fat guy could button me .... "

&etc ...

"...the fat naked lady is sniffing me again..."

"...the fat naked lady fell asleep on me..."

"...the naked fat guy is gonna put me on..."

"...oh dear god no, he's climbing on top of the fat naked lady..."

"...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...."

[Tleilax Master B]

"tehKJAcket" - there's somebody's new bogus twitter name ....

" .... hung on the chair behind the fat guy all day, it's hot in California .... "

"... got dry-cleaned today. does this mean the fat guy's 'written' another book ?"

"... you know, it's been years since the fat guy could button me .... "

&etc ...

"...the fat naked lady is sniffing me again..."

"...the fat naked lady fell asleep on me..."

"...the naked fat guy is gonna put me on..."

"...oh dear god no, he's climbing on top of the fat naked lady..."

"...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...."

"...oh god, I hope that stain comes out...."

"...good lord, is that me that smells?.."

"...there has to be some way to set myself on fire...."

[TheDukester]

"I don't go with those pants. Jesus, is this guy blind or something?"

[Sev]

Oh dear, Byr over at Dumbfucknovels has posted a glowing review of Winds, taken from BSCreview. I used to be a member over there under its previous guise, but it's been seriously dumbed down if this pile can get a glowing review - I've left a suitable reply.

[Robspierre]

Link to the review:
http://www.bscreview.com/2009/07/book-review-the-winds-of-dune-by-brian-herbert-kevin-j-anderson/

What a piece of crap.

Rob

[SandChigger]

Wow ... this Ken_F can WRITE, huh?

That's barely even fucking English. Shit!

But it Now at Amazon!

Uh ... OK. Where did you "but" or let someone "but" you to get this shitty review posted?

And Byron actually posted a link to this shit? FUCKING MORON. He can't even realize when the "good reviews" he's directing people to make them look even worse.

[Rakis]

Oh dear, Byr over at Dumbfucknovels has posted a glowing review of Winds, taken from BSCreview. I used to be a member over there under its previous guise, but it's been seriously dumbed down if this pile can get a glowing review - I've left a suitable reply.

Nice reply, Sev...

[Nekhrun]

Oh dear, Byr over at Dumbfucknovels has posted a glowing review of Winds, taken from BSCreview. I used to be a member over there under its previous guise, but it's been seriously dumbed down if this pile can get a glowing review - I've left a suitable reply.

I replied as well. Since so many of you are banned leaving a comment would would be great. Every tool over there who clicks the link sees we haven't gone away.

[Nebiros]

One more day until Winds is released! Still no videos of Kevin promoting the book on Youtube. You think that Winds will do worse in sales than Paul of Dune? Of course all that matters to Kevin is that it reaches the bestseller list even if it is at the bottom of that list. With any luck this might be the last new Dune novel to reach the bestseller list. Throne hopefully will not make the list, and if that happens I look forward to listening to Kevin try to emphasize the success of that book.

Of course I could be wrong.

[trang]

That review is complete Shite...What else to expect. Does anyone (besides Omp I mean) in this literary world do a review that is valid?

For godsdam frakking sake when the review says " and part two" just stop right there, no more, zip it!! Zip it!!! No more please!!!

Paul never left Caladan before going to Arrakis, and even if he did, it doesnt fucking matter to the plot of this atrocity? he wandered into the desert and is presumed dead? what he did at 12 has no bearing on the situation at hand does it? no it doesnt. So they might as well just edit that 2nd part/young paul shit right the hell out!!!

So what do we have left? Jessica coming to Arrakis, before she actually comes to arrakis in COD? seems kinda redundent doesnt it? the plotting to kill the twins, before the actually plotting to kill the twins actualy begins in COD??

take that stupid shit out, whats left? Um.. nothing.. a book that shouldnt have been written is what you have. Same with POD.

Just complete shit.

[Freakzilla]

Don't hold back Trang, tell us how you really feel.

[Frybread]

I predict "Breaking Wind of Dune" will sell worse than PoD. Despite the efforts of the HLP and their army of shill reviewers, I think the books are being uncovered for the hack drivel they are, due to the efforts of those on this board especially SC.