The Briancella Theory

[SandChigger]

Have you pointed out how he kinda turns Daddy's masterwork on its head in this series, with the evil Mutatis having Arab-sounding names and titles where the Arab-descendant Fremen were the "good guys" (as it were) in Dune?

Daddy Dearest: Why I Am How I Am, by Brian Herbert. (Due out December 2012)

[Omphalos]

Isn't the whole Mutati thing a rip on the FDs?

[SandChigger]

I forget whether they change form or not. I know there were three varieties/subspecies of them: terrestrial, aerial, and aquatic. (Which made me think more of KJA's "elemental" aliens in S7S than the FDs in Dune.)

Teg, what say you?

(Remember, I never actually read through the whole thing cover to cover, just skimmed and jumped around here and there. Teg was telling me something on the phone this morning that I'd never happened upon... a real facepalm-inducer, too! )

[Mr. Teg]

I forget whether they change form or not. I know there were three varieties/subspecies of them: terrestrial, aerial, and aquatic. (Which made me think more of KJA's "elemental" aliens in S7S than the FDs in Dune.)

Teg, what say you?

(Remember, I never actually read through the whole thing cover to cover, just skimmed and jumped around here and there. Teg was telling me something on the phone this morning that I'd never happened upon... a real facepalm-inducer, too! )

Timeweb, Chapter Fifty-Six, page 360, 362

As the two teenagers looked on, a Hibbil crewman stepped through an airlock and approached them, a rugged-looking little fellow dressed in black. He wore an eye patch, and a sword in a scabbard."

"We're a treasure ship," the Hibbil said, gripping the handle of his sword. "I'm Mac Golden, official purser on the voyage..."

"The young men found themselves on a voyage unlike anything they had ever imagined, bound for unknown parts, with undiscovered adventures and treasures awaiting them."

(A Hibbil, a soft-fleshed creature with black-and-white fur that made him look somewhat like an Earthian panda bear.
The Hibbil race, specialists in computers and highperformance machines.)

Otherwords, a space pirate teddy bear...


If I keep reading I'm gonna turn out like one of those mentats trapped in a vegetative state.

[Mr. Teg]

I forget whether they change form or not. I know there were three varieties/subspecies of them: terrestrial, aerial, and aquatic. (Which made me think more of KJA's "elemental" aliens in S7S than the FDs in Dune.)

Teg, what say you?

Yes, that's right, three varieties, earth, wind and fire, no wait, earth, water and air.
Jabecca is a mutati.

[TheDukester]

Wait; what? Earth, Wind & Fire?

[SandChigger]

They still tour, don't they?

So Hibbils are kind of evolved tribbles?

No, I definitely never skimmed that bit. Damn. That's bad.

Teg, what were the aliens that live in the leviat...um, podships? The ones who can telepathically connect with all members of their species across the galaxy (fuck Herr Einstein and lightspeed ). And change size from large to microscopic at will (fuck conservation of mass, volume, inertia, and yo granmama's used nylons while we're at it). AND while mIcroscopic fly through space in a giant swarm with others of their species, like space fireflies out of the navel of GAWD!

It's like Teg said on the phone, if it were marked YA it would still be idiotic and bad. It's not fit for reading to kindergarten kids.

Brian Herbert should have stuck with selling insurance. Or making beds and cleaning toilets in motel rooms. Instead he's still writing joke books.

[Mr. Teg]

The teddy bear pirates started a fight in a bar then continued hunting for more treasure (I keep hearing Terrance and Phillip).... a planet blew up but instead of being obliterated the main character's ship was hurled into space....the folks in the ship starred out the window wondering why the view had changed...the parvii...like the BG...herd populations and have sex with all kinds of beings, the parvii are aliens only a couple inches tall but have special ultra magnification technology that makes them seem real to everybody and special pouches for when they eat and...

[lotek]

the parvii are aliens only a couple inches tall but have special ultra magnification technology that makes them seem real to everybody and special pouches for when they eat and...

what on earth is wrong with these sick fucks?!?!

[Tleszer]

the parvii...like the BG...herd populations and have sex with all kinds of beings, the parvii are aliens only a couple inches tall but have special ultra magnification technology that makes them seem real to everybody and special pouches for when they eat and...

Could Timeweb actually be worth reading for the lulz?

[SandChigger]

A couple inches tall ... sex with everyone?! DAYUM!!! I had midget pr0n in my hands and LET YOU BORROW IT?!

[Bijaz]

A couple inches tall ... sex with everyone?! DAYUM!!! I had midget pr0n in my hands and LET YOU BORROW IT?!

Whoa, somebody say midget pr0n

[Omphalos]

I forget whether they change form or not. I know there were three varieties/subspecies of them: terrestrial, aerial, and aquatic. (Which made me think more of KJA's "elemental" aliens in S7S than the FDs in Dune.)

Teg, what say you?

Yes, that's right, three varieties, earth, wind and fire, no wait, earth, water and air.
Jabecca is a mutati.

I'm pretty sure they could change shape. But that's also based on a partial read in a book store.

Then there's the noble boy who is an planetary ecologist, Noah somethingorother. Noble houses, too, I think, and an intergalactic government.

[Omphalos]

(A Hibbil, a soft-fleshed creature with black-and-white fur that made him look somewhat like an Earthian panda bear.
The Hibbil race, specialists in computers and highperformance machines.)

Otherwords, a space pirate teddy bear...

Great. He's writing a furry tale and probably doesn't even know it.

[Mr. Teg]

(A Hibbil, a soft-fleshed creature with black-and-white fur that made him look somewhat like an Earthian panda bear.
The Hibbil race, specialists in computers and highperformance machines.)

Otherwords, a space pirate teddy bear...

Great. He's writing a furry tale and probably doesn't even know it.

You mean the furry tales when folks dress up as their favorite furry creature (as in the CSI Las Vegas episode)?


Byron, Brian and the Journeyman chasing each other around in circles giggling dressed as furry creatures.

[Omphalos]

What kind of furrys do you think they would each be? I think Brian would make an excellent three-toed sloth. I'd call Anderson as a wolverine, if wolverines weren't so cool. Maybe one of those old dogs you see running around in third-world cities? Mean as shit and growls at everyone, with their nipples hanging to the ground from having so many litters of pups? Yea, that's Anderson. An over-productive cur with a shitty attitude.

[Serkanner]

Yea, that's Anderson. An over-productive cur with a shitty attitude.

... right on the spot!

[Mr. Teg]

Didn't Monty Python do a furry skit?

[Mr. Teg]

Noah son of Saito Watanabe IS the misawhacked hackysack.

He sees everything everywhere.
He is can no longer be injured.
He is immortal.

His cuts himself and instantly heals.
Then he decides, "I wonder if I'm immortal," and decides to stab himself in the heart.

This only sounds familiar but experiencing a memory block....

[SandChigger]

I remember skimming him being shot by his sister and recovering somewhere near the end.

Tell us about the "independent robots"!

[Mr. Teg]

I remember skimming him being shot by his sister and recovering somewhere near the end.

Tell us about the "independent robots"!

I just finished reading the last page...

Previously, a planet blew up but the pod ship was throw into space still intact.

The book ends with pod ships getting blew apart by evil merchant prince guns.

A planet busting bomb doesn't affect the pod ship.
A planet exploding doesn't affect the pod ship.
A gun blows up the pod ship.
Hmmm....

(Perhaps I skipped a key passage or something before drifting off to sleep.)

[SadisticCynic]

I remember skimming him being shot by his sister and recovering somewhere near the end.

Tell us about the "independent robots"!

I just finished reading the last page...

Previously, a planet blew up but the pod ship was throw into space still intact.

The book ends with pod ships getting blew apart by evil merchant prince guns.

A planet busting bomb doesn't affect the pod ship.
A planet exploding doesn't affect the pod ship.
A gun blows up the pod ship.
Hmmm....

(Perhaps I skipped a key passage or something before drifting off to sleep.)

Some nasty nightmare potential there.

[merkin muffley]

No kidding.

Beyond the twisted psychological landscape, the actual writing is appalling. Tell-tell-tell, blah-blah-blah. I'm convinced more than ever than Bobo was only ever published due to his last name. He's living proof that writing talent isn't necessarily hereditary.

It really is some of the worst writing I've ever read. It reads like he's being paid by the adjective. I wouldn't care except that he's pissing all over his father's grave.

[A Thing of Eternity]

No kidding.

Beyond the twisted psychological landscape, the actual writing is appalling. Tell-tell-tell, blah-blah-blah. I'm convinced more than ever than Bobo was only ever published due to his last name. He's living proof that writing talent isn't necessarily hereditary.

It really is some of the worst writing I've ever read. It reads like he's being paid by the adjective. I wouldn't care except that he's pissing all over his father's grave.

HA!

[chanilover]

Timeweb by Brian Herbert, 553 pages, hardcover, 2006

The Timeweb series begins with the relationship between Saito Watanabe and his children Noah and Francella, who attacks her father with mercenaries disguised as Noah's own soldiers preventing Noah and Saito from meeting after years of estrangement.

Chapter One, page 7 (actually the first page, second paragraph).

"He had been estranged from his father, Prince Saito Watanabe, for so long that he had never expected to hear from the old tycoon again."

Brian's own relationship with his father.

Chapter One, page 7 (actually the first page, third paragraph).

"Noah considered the unexpected offer of a meeting between them. His initial thought had been to send a scathing response, or to simply ignore his father altogether. But other possibilities occurred to him."

Brian's own feelings.


Chapter Twenty-Three, page 168.

"Noah's fraternal twin <Francella> waved a hand across a pale yellow identity beam..."

Frank had two sons, Brian and Bruce, but the author symbolically the twin, too.

"After a momentary pause, a heavy alloy door slip open with a smooth click, revealing her father's study-a place he called "the inner sanctum." This room had always been off-limits to Francella and her brother when they were growing up, so it gave her special pleasure to be here now."

This is directly from Brian's own description in Dreamer of Dune.

"What he'd <father> failed to notice, though, was her <Francella> dissatisfaction over the way she had been treated in comparison with Noah, and how her resentment had built up over the years into a deep-seated anger. Francella now had an intense and all-consuming need for money, power, and prestige, and wanted to enjoy it all before she grew too old to appreciate such things."

Brian's own feeling and again taken directly from Dreamer of Dune a comment from one of Frank's friends.

Chapter Twenty-Three, page 169.

"Unfortunately, her father still clung to life like an injured spider on a web...It could go on for years, the nervous doctor said...the patient's mind, even in its damaged condition, was making desicisions about whether to live or die. Somewhere in Prince Saito's subconscious he fought on, perhaps out of a powerful desire to be wit his courtesan harlot again..."

Frank's own battle with cancer.
Brian's own feelings regarding Theresa.

"He even had an ultra-high-security treasure room in the villa, where he kept priceless jewels, manuscripts, and artworks. Undoubtedly part of his mind wanted to go in there again, and wallow in his wealth. The way he had it piled up in there..."

Manuscripts or priceless jewels.

"One day the treasure room, like everything else, would belong to her, so she ignored it for the moment. There were easier riches to take."

"Her father had done exceedingly well as a merchant prince; few had ever done better. Francella only had one regret: she wished she could bottle him up and let him continue making business decisions for her-perhaps as a sentient robot that was completely under her control and had her father's mind. Or a disembodied brain that did what she told it to do and just kept making more and more money for her. Yes, that would be perfect."

The Legends of Dune series.

Chapter Twenty-Seven, page 197-198.

"I...I just wanted to offer my condolences for your loss."
Unaffected by the deep sadness on the face of the blonde woman, Francella shouted at her, " You were his whore, but I am his heir. Now get out."

The blonde woman is Theresa.
Francella is of course Brian.

So, so true. If the poor cow was actually famous he'd be airing his family's dirty laundy on Oprah.