Though Frank's worms don't dance
(And they really don't dance!)
Well, I don't think Kevin minds!
This is the next to last chapter of House Corrino. It rocks the kasaba. It rulez. Kommen Sie ON, Shprokets, dies ist Dieters Dantze-Partei! Everybody DANCE!
There is no doubt that the desert has mystical qualities. Deserts, traditionally, are the wombs of religion.
—Missionaria Protectiva Report to the Mother School
You always know you're off on a real roller-coaster ride when the epigraph is a complete anticipatory Hershey squirter like this. Fasten your seat belts!
THOUGH GRAND EVENTS COULD TAKE PLACE IN the politics of the Imperium, this sea of sand never changed.
With the hoods of their jubba cloaks thrown back and still-suit masks hanging loose, two rugged men stood on a rocky ledge, gazing across the moonlit dunes of Habbanya Erg. Sharp-eyed Fremen manned the desert-watch station on False Wall West, watching for spice blows.
A jubba is a type of cloak; either (or etiher?) "the hoods of their jubba" or "of their cloaks" would have been sufficient. If not simply "their hoods thrown back". The words I've marked in red are probably superfluous. If the Fremen are watching for spice blows, they're not going to be doing it from a "mountain-watch" station, etc. MODIFY MODIFY MODIFY!!!
Since early morning, Liet-Kynes and his companion spotters had smelled the aromatic gases of an enormous pre-spice mass carried on breezes across the erg. Down on the open sand, listeners had heard rumbling sounds from the belly of the desert, deep disturbances. Something was happening beneath the ocean of dunes...but a spice blow usually came swiftly, with little warning and much destruction. Even the trained Planetologist was curious.
He's going to be with non-companion spotters? We know the gases are "aromatic": because they can smell them. Or is that aromatic as opposed to alicyclic? Thought not. Carried on breezes, you say? I wasn't imagining cielago-borne aerosol cans. Wouldn't "rumbling(s)" alone be enough? What a lovely gastric metaphor. Above it was a "sea of sand", now it's an "ocean of dunes"; I guess "surface" was too boring. And WHAT destruction? Spice blows occur in the open desert; it's not like anyone has built a house over a pre-spice mass, or they take place in downtown Arrakeen. Fucking moronic verbiage added simply for effect.
The same is true of describing Liet as "trained": would an untrained person be appointed Imperial Planetologist? It's just stupid to add these meaningless words.
The night was quiet, a bated breath. Overhead, an ominous new comet blazed across the skies, trailing a river of mist behind it. The spectacle was an important, but undeciphered, omen. Comets often signified the birth of a new king, or the death of an old one. Portents abounded, but not even the Naibs or the Sayyadinas could agree as to whether the omen was good or ill.
A... suffocating cliché. If it's doing something "across the skies" it's naturally "overhead"; pick one. If the "omen" is "undeciphered", why would they think it "ominous"? Just because it's new? When was the last time the Fremen knew a "king"? Is that to be interpreted to refer to an emperor, or some member of whatever family from the general aristocracy was currently ruling the planet? Meh!
High on the cliffs, able men and boys watched for a signal from the spotters, prepared to rush across the sands with tools and sacks to harvest the fresh spice before a worm could come. The Fremen had gathered melange in this manner since the time of the Zensunni Wanderers, when refugees had first fled to this desert planet.
Otherwise they would be "low" on the cliffs? Were there any "non-able" Fremen men or boys? They knew from the start that the spice was something beneficial? And "refugees"... that's foreshadowing of the Legends.
Gathering spice by cometlight... As the ivory blue Second Moon rose into the sky, Liet looked at the shadow on its bright face that resembled a desert mouse. "Muad'Dib comes to watch over us."
OK. The moon color bit is lifted straight from Dune. The mouse-pattern stuff is just gratuitous reminder. "Liet looked at the pattern there" would have been quite sufficient. For a real fan reader. The line cockjammed into Liet's mouth is Just. Simply. Embarrassing. Ignoring the prophetic nonsense, it doesn't even make sense in its context of utterance, does it? The kangaroo mouse was revered for its ability to survive in the desert, and teaching that lesson to Fremen young. It's not like they're going off on a long trek or anything, that they need to be watched over by the Mouse on the Moon. Meh.
Um, there's more to come—and we haven't even got close to the GOOD stuff yet!—but I'm going to go ahead and post this and take a quick break before proceeding. Back soon!