Turds of Dune

[SadisticCynic]

Mention of a contest reminds me: Do we want to do the Dune fanfic contest again this year?

If so, it needs to be started on a certain date in late June.

This will be the one were we try to write real fanfic and show that we, fans, are better writers than the hacks, no?

Fanfic would be fun, but not needed to prove most folks on this board are better writers than the twits. Most folks who post here are more articulate and their posts have better prose than the 700+ page monstrosities written by the twits.

I dont consider myself in the group of posters who are better than them, but when I get out of this financial funk, I plan to go back to school for fun, and learn the skills for writing. Lots of ideas in my head, problem being, when they come out, its like boulders bouncing down a hill.

Well, when you do, hang onto that metaphor; it's a good one.

[SandRider]

^^ +1 ^^

I thought OH FanFic Contest was on automatic ... someone summon the sietch Android ... or Robot ...
or whatever it wants itself to be called ...

I think Nekkie & Amp's games can be combined - call it the McDune Random Stupidity Game ...

I have a paperback of Sandworms I've never opened around here somewhere .... I think I'll try it,
just randomly flip it open and see what crawls out ... hell, I'll bet I can get one of the dogs to pick
the page ...

[Nekhrun]

... hell, I'll bet I can get one of the dogs to pick
the page ...

It could probably point to the error as well. It's probably a whole helluva lot smarter than Bobo & The Hack, not to mention all of their fans.

My dogs do smarter things every day than I've seen any of the preeqs do since these books started. Hell, they've even stopped eating their own shit, which is more than I can say for the preeqs after seeing some of what they talk about amongst each other.

Here's a new game...

Ways my dogs are smarter than McDune fans:

1. They know when to quit eating.
2. They act consistently.
3. They bring me things in which I may be interested.
4. They warn me when something isn't right.
5. They aren't raping anyone's legacy (so far as I'm aware).

I'm quite certain there are more.

[SandRider]

I was gonna say something about licking their own balls,
but then I remembered those pics Brian Conway thought
he uploaded to his "private" album on www.xxxblackbookadults.com ....

[Omphalos]

You mean that the dogs lick their own balls instead of Pinky & the Brian's? SR, I doubt that Conway could reach his own balls with his hands, much less his tongue.

[DuneFishUK]

You mean that the dogs lick their own balls instead of Pinky & the Brian's? SR, I doubt that Conway could reach his own balls with his hands, much less his tongue.

That doesn't stop him trying...

[DuneFishUK]

...and +1 for FFcon2

[Ampoliros]

WOODWORMS OF ENDOR!

This is mostly a review of "Wedding Silk" since the other two short stories have been available from other sources. I will say that I would give "Sea Child" 3 stars on its own, because Brian Herbert actually did a decent job of condensing the relevant points about love as a heresy that Frank Herbert explored (in Heretics and Chapterhouse) for the LCD crowd which enjoys the new books. It's rather rare to find snippets of the new books which were obviously written by a Herbert.

Now for Wedding Silk, or as I call it "Woodworms of Endor!" The story involves a expedition of Young Paul Atreides into the fog-forest of Ecaz. The whole story seems lifted from a young adult Star Wars story, which incidentally is the specialty of one of the authors, KJA. Ornithopters dodge insect swarms, you get from giant tree to giant tree by "completely safe" ziplines. There are tons of nitpicks to make, like Paul calling his bodyguards "Sir" or the entire opening scene which teeters around Paul and Jessica's hide-the-anxiety dance over Leto's impending marriage. Oh and one of the Ginaz Swordmasters for House Ecaz thinking that the Atreides crest was a Falcon, not a Hawk.

The woodworms of course, are actually caterpillars, but written in such a manner that they are obviously meant to be "Worms in Trees." I mean Frank made Sand Worms, KJA is just capitalizing on a theme adding Waterworms (Hunters of Dune/Sandworms of Dune) and now Wood Worms. Of course its all tied up neatly in an foreshadowing allegory where Paul recognizes that the Falcon Moth (which is so awesome that a Ginaz Swordmaster says he's never killed one in flight, something that Paul accomplishes with ease and a dagger, of course) was just sacrificing itself in a desperate attempt to protect its young -- Something his father Leto would do without hesitation wink wink. You know, kinda, even if that's not what happened in Dune.

And of course the entire reason for this expedition was to gather the worm's silk, which is a prized resource guarded by a dangerous and wild creature. The slaughter of the worms is all justified (even if they DID intially try to avoid killing them) because they are rampant destructive and territorial.

So in the end the story comes across as feeling like it was merely copied and pasted from leftover clippings of Star Wars and McDune. (Supposedly it was a chapter that was left out of Paul of Dune.)

http://www.amazon.com/Tales-of-Dune-ebook/product-reviews/B0055PKADC/ref=cm_cr_pr_hist_1?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&filterBy=addOneStar

[Nekhrun]

That is terrible! I love it!

[Omphalos]

A chapter? So it was only a page-and-a-half long?

[lotek]

that's what Jabecca said...

[Sev]

Is anyone else outraged that Keith and Jabs are, seemingly, profiting from Frank's ebooksthat they're frantically hosting on Wordfire??

I've just started a discussion on the Amazon forum for the 'Destination Void' ebook - not sure how long it'll stay - subtle it isnt.

"I suppose an ebook of any classic Frank Herbert material should be applauded, and the publisher thanked - but in this case that would mean giving thanks to...Kevin J. Anderson. And that rankles somewhat due to the ten festering abominations he's ejaculated onto us since 1999 - all with the word 'Dune' in huge lettering on the front cover, yet reading like the ripest fan-fiction once you open them up. He's not done yet, either - there could be as many as five more on their way, if sales haven't gone completely down the toilet by then, of course, and the books are quietly cancelled.

KJA is, in my humble opinion, one of the most pitiable hacks ever to have burbled nonsense straight from his facial orifice into a tape recorder, all while dodging nut-throwing squirrels in the municipal parks of Denver... oh sorry...that should read wrestling with grizzlies in the wilderness of the high Rockies!!

I have to wonder why KJA is doing all of this? Out of the goodness of his heart? Yeah, right. Out of his love for the works of Frank Herbert and their legacy? The execrable Dune 7 shows how much he thinks of Frank Herbert. The only answer I can come up with is...Control. He already controls the writing of the Dune travesties, awakening Bobo Herbert up from his alcoholic stupor only long enough for the merest brainstorm and to sign the odd contract. Now he wants to control...everything. Frank Herbert has been his cash-cow for a decade now, and he isn't about to let go, in the Baron's words he's going to "squeeze...and squeeze."

So remember - of that $2-99, or $4-99, or however much this thing costs, it doesn't actually say! - some of it is going to Kevin J. Anderson. That disgusts me, why doesn't it disgust the HLP??"

Anyone want to add their $0.02??

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00564TJN4/ref=s9_simh_gw_p351_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=09T2B57HQS3HBGJYXVYZ&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846"

[Freakzilla]

Yeah, it really pisses me off.

I don't know if I could add anything of value to the discussion, though.

[D Pope]

Yeah Sev, that pretty much covers it.
I'd like to see 14evin insulted some more but understand you're trying to keep it clean.

I'm thinking they're poling the sand to see if they can bypass all that crappy editor/publisher stuff.
If the HPL decides there's more to be made online, there's no stopping the trash.

[Sev]

What makes you think I want to keep it clean - we know for a fact that 'the other side' won't even have the balls to respond, so why not just insult them?
And I think you misunderstand one of the points I'm trying to make - that of the HLP going to KJA in order to get Frank's e-books available. It's KJA doing all the editing (such as it is)

watching "True Blood" and keying in corrections to SIDNEY'S COMET eBook text

doing all the covers, doing everything that they should be doing...and probably paying him to do it, as well.

[Freakzilla]

Yeah, it really pisses me off.

I don't know if I could add anything of value to the discussion, though.

However...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SESI19h4wDo&feature=player_detailpage[/youtube]

[Omphalos]

I guess Kevin's dream all along was to be an e-tailer. Dream Achieved!!!

[Freakzilla]

I think he's having trouble getting published, or is that what we're talking about?

[Ampoliros]

I mean if that isn't the market speaking I don't know what is.

Hellhole sales sucked ass. The Interquels were "not" cancelled. They are hoping back to where they will draw the least fire, an era Frank had very little to say about.

I wouldn't even give us major credit, the OH have very little market power other than with people who use amazon and actually read reviews.

The new books are failing because they are hacked out trash for the LCD crowd or people just looking for a quick fix.

So KJA has to "cast a wider net" all at the same time doing what he does best, make a living sucking blood from someone else's legacy. Leeches have a use, and its not continuing the greatest sci-fi legacy we have.

[ᴶᵛᵀᴬ]

Bonus material includes “Dune: Blood and Water” and “Dune: Fremen Justice.”

WTF ?

[Freakzilla]

Bonus material includes “Dune: Blood and Water” and “Dune: Fremen Justice.”

WTF ?

Bonus, you know... like a reach-around.

[Tleszer]

Bonus material includes “Dune: Blood and Water” and “Dune: Fremen Justice.”

WTF ?

Bonus, you know... like a reach-around.

Sounds like someone's been watching Spartacus: Blood and Sand and is anticipating season two... Spartacus: Vengeance.

[Freakzilla]

Bonus material includes “Dune: Blood and Water” and “Dune: Fremen Justice.”

WTF ?

Bonus, you know... like a reach-around.

Sounds like someone's been watching Spartacus: Blood and Sand and is anticipating season two... Spartacus: Vengeance.

I do not watch anything but educational and sports programming so I'm not lax on the finer things in life.

[Hadi Benotto]

Bonus material includes “Dune: Blood and Water” and “Dune: Fremen Justice.”

WTF ?

Bonus, you know... like a reach-around.

Sounds like someone's been watching Spartacus: Blood and Sand and is anticipating season two... Spartacus: Vengeance.

I do not watch anything but educational and sports programming so I'm not lax on the finer things in life.

Ah, so you're a PBS/ NOVA/ Nature and/ or Discovery Channel type of guy. Ok, well to put it into context you'd understand it's like when an elephant picks another elephants ass with it's trunk. I'll let you sort out which elephant is Bobo and the Hack. Also Jabba is not a correct answer as she's defined as a hippo, with the needing of the water to help support her internal weight. I'm surprised she doesn't have her own Navigator style tank filled with water that she has pushed around by the Hack. It would sure as hell be a better workout than his "dicktahiking".

[SandChigger]

it's like when an elephant picks another elephants ass with it's trunk

Also Jabba is not a correct answer as she's defined as a hippo, with the needing of the water to help support her internal weight.

The external weight being him?