Okay yeah, finally finished this turd.
Lets call it SPACE OPERA: NOWHERE.
As in that's where it goes.
Yeah, I know its part one of a trilogy, but this opener fully fits our good friends at Penny Arcade's analysis:
I mean this book sets us up for book 3 which will practically have to be Deus Ex Machinas Of Dune.
As much as every subplot literally screams its solution, (although I must admit that I did not see the guy with a Greek name becoming the father of the Teen Titans...) rather than go nowhere, they actually go in the opposite direction of what you would expect. They want to call him "Ptolmey" but I trained my brain to read "Shithead" everytime I saw his name.
Emperor Salvatore is a spineless idiot. The majority of what goes wrong has to do with him being a spineless idiot with delusions of grandeur who caves to anyone who gives him and ounce of resistance. In fact, he stands up to one person: Vorian Atreides. Well kinda. He tells him to disappear so he won't overshadow how awesome the Emperor is.
His sister is a slutty retard, who is posed at the end of the book to become some kind of super mentat reverend mother awesome sauce. Gilbertus is all excited about introducing her to Santorum, presumably to merge them together. And we know Erasmus will have no problem with being in a woman's form.
The brother is portrayed as the "Smart One" who actually does all the dirty work and keeps everything running smoothly. Instead, he lets Salvatore get walked over by everyone rather than take up the mantle himself, which is what everyone wants him to do.
The Butlerians are portrayed as religious fanatics bent on smashing everything that even looks like tech. Apparently there is no law protecting innocent civilians from being murdered or having their property destroyed by these a-holes.
The CET is portrayed as a horrible idea that was hated by everyone in the galaxy, to the point where Salvatore has a team of experts re-write the book. Sound familiar?
It should, because every event that happens in this book tramples all over the history as laid down in Dune. Venport has NO reason to give up his position as private owner of the Pre-Guild, even though its obvious that they want it to evolve from his holdings. Imperial Conditioning gets tacked on to the Suk School in an effort to save its credibility.
Vorian's trip to Arrakis is totally full of shit. One, he was commanded by the Emperor to remove himself from public view and leave the planet he was on. He promises he will do this, then tells his wife he never promised that he wouldn't tell everyone where he was going.
Two: We'll play a game. Start with 5 Stars. Every time a character acts like a character from Dune, add a star. Every time they act like a character in a charlatan hack's fanfiction, take one away.
-the Terminator Twins find his wife and torture her before burning her alive.
-Griffin spends all of 30 seconds finding out where Vorian went, from Vorian's grieving daughter, at her mother's funeral.
-The work-gang leader tells Vorian he should never take a shield into the desert, makes him take it off and store it in his locker.
-The locker is on board the harvester.
-Vorian spends 5 days convincing the work crew he's competent to be a spotter, then misses the attack of the TT because he was daydreaming.
-The Twins found him so easily because? Yeah, you guessed it, he signed up for the harvester crew under the name Vorian Atreides.
-Vorian is rescued from the TT raid when a "Freemen" scout summons a worm and takes him to her sietch.
-the TT follow them, and kill half the sietch before being driven off.
- The scout, now in Arrakis City, runs into Griffin, and when he asks about Vorian, she kidnaps him and takes him to the sietch too.
-the Freemen decide that Vorian and Griffin are too much trouble, and imprison them. Griffin escapes, and steals water from the unattended water tank.
-Freemen send Vorian and the scout out to find Griffin in a spotter. they find him, land, and force him on board. the scout gets eaten by a worm, sacrificing herself so that Vorian and Griffin will get away.
-Vorian and Griffin return to the sietch "for matters of honor"
-The Freemen discuss "taking their water" but Vorian pays them off with his paycheck from the spice crew operation.
-The Freemen declare the blood feud needs to be solved, give them crysknifes, and force them to fight "to the death". They suggest they will probably take the water of the winner anyway.
-Vorian starts strong and asks Griffin if he yields. Freemen say nothing.
-Griffin rebounds, and has his knife at Vorian's throat, then declares the feud satisfied.
-The Freemen decide the two are more trouble than they are worth, and take them to the nearest weather monitoring station, so they can call for a pickup.
-The TT attack them at the Monitoring station, killing Griffin instantly.
-Vorian grieves for Griffin, then pays the apparently astronomical cost to have his dead body shipped back home.
Yeah, he survived the duel to the death only to die like a bitch in the very next scene. By my calculations, we end with -8 Stars.
So there you have it. Sisterhood of Dune isn't a zero-star book.
Its a Negative star retard-a-thon.EDIT: Fuck it, I'm going to put as much time into editing this review as they spent editing this book.
) does not share the same defect, so they decide to have Sal's Suk administer a drug (topical? testicular massage?) that will secretly sterilize him.
