Dune: House Atreides - Edited and Revised version.

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What do you think about that Dune: House Atreides Edition?

You're our salvior!
4
44%
Good
1
11%
Changed nothing.
2
22%
Bad
0
No votes
Heresy!
2
22%
 
Total votes: 9

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Lisan Al-Gaib
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Dune: House Atreides - Edited and Revised version.

Postby Lisan Al-Gaib » 15 Jun 2008 00:54

I finished reading the House Atreides. In spite of being agaisnt the BH & KJA Dune books, I really liked some chapter and plots, but there was somes that I hated.
I believe they have some kind of Frank's notes about the background of Dune, and then put some of that in the Prelude series, and because of that I felt I had to search for these elements. Starting from that, I begin a personal work to turn House Atreides more similar to what the real fans of Dune and I expected.
I cut unnecessary chapters, deleted miscreated informations, cliché, deleted some things that didn't fix to the original books, replace and changed characters and all that without change the main plot (Tleilaxu spice).But I didn't re-write the book, chapter or a hole paragraph.

The only chapters that remain mostly untouched was from the Paulus and Helena Atreides, Leto Atreides and Pardot Kynes.

The most dramatical shifted character was Mohiam. She no longer exist. She was correctly changed for Tanidia Nerus, the real mother of Jessica as Leto II said in Children of Dune.

Well, here goes a list of the changes made in this revision:

1) Gaius Helen Mohiam => Tanidia Nerus
2) Duncan's parents killed in front of him => Duncan's sister killed in front of him. (Leto II said about a Duncan's sister being killed by the Harkonnens)
3) Elacca => Ecaz (Elacca world don't exist).
4) Shadam less stupid.
5) Harmonthep citations deteled ("It is supposed to have been a no longer existent satellite of Delta Pavonis." - Dune)
6) Fenring killing Concubine chapter deleted.
7) Mohiam praying for god chapter deleted.
8)Mohiam/Nerus deformed daugther plot deleted.
9) Anirul consulting Feng-Shui mystic half-chapter deleted. (the other half is about Jessica's birth)
10) All the Rogos transceiver sub-plot deleted.
11) All citations of Tleilaxu masters being religious fanatic deleted. (that was only discovery in HoD)
12) Idiotic and cliché passages.
13) Language of God being explained to be the DNA deleted. (that should remain a beautiful metaphor)
14) Idiotic Bloodsucker Tleilaxu machine deleted.
15) Navigator D'murr sub-plot deleted. (Navigator should remain a mysterious)
16) Leto and Rhombur adventure in the reef deleted.
17) "of Dur" deleted. (From where they take the idea that the people in Duniverse pray for a God called Dur??? Religions in Duniverse were amalgam from the real religions )
18)Lady Shando being killed chapter deleted. (unnecessary, that is explained in the next chapter)
19) Shaddam teachers fucking deleted. (go fuck in other universe - Changed made to turn the chapter more serious)
20) Funny fat lady deleted. (obviously)
21) Duncan felling something strange in the bull chapter deleted. (unnecessary - situation explained in the bull fighting chapter)
22) Baron killing a dwarf chapter deleted. (obviously)
23) Rabban exploding Sandworm half-chapter deleted. (no one blow up Shai-Hulud!)
24) Bridge of Hrethgir citation deleted. (that event never happened)
25) Butlerian Jihad misinterpretations deleted. ("Once men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them." - Dune)
26) All citation to Nuked Salusa Secundus deleted. (there isn't any mention in the originals about Salusa being nuked.)
27) "Spice mus flow" deleted. (a infamous tribute to David Lynch movie)
28)Robo-piloted shuttle deleted. (A obviously transgression to the BJ)
29) All citation to the breeding program beginning in the BJ times deleted. (90 generations before isn't in the BJ)
30) Force-field bar => pentashield. (to be more like the Duniverse)
31) Tleilaxu twin trying to kill Leto chapter deleted. (unnecessary)
32) Fenring killing tleilaxu pilot chapter deleted. (unnecessary)
33) Suboids deleted, now they are normal religious workers.
34)...

I think that is all. I made that version for me, but if anyone wanted it, send me a message with your e-mail and I'll give you a copy.
If you find more things that should be deleted or changed, tell me and I'll analise.

Well, I don't agree with the main plot, but as I couldn't delete it I try to edit the book achieving the best way.

During this work I feel my self has the book editor they never had. A editor committed to Dune.
Last edited by Lisan Al-Gaib on 16 Jun 2008 13:57, edited 10 times in total.
The singular multiplicity of this universe draws my deepest attention. It is a thing of ultimate beauty.

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Serkanner
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Postby Serkanner » 15 Jun 2008 03:37

I admire your dedication but the chronicles never needed a prequel. Altered or not they remain a useless piece of junk.
"... the mystery of life isn't a problem to solve but a reality to experience."

“There is no escape—we pay for the violence of our ancestors.”

Sandrider: "Keith went to Bobo's for a weekend of drinking, watched some DVDs,
and wrote a Dune Novel."

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Postby Freakzilla » 15 Jun 2008 08:39

Have you pushed this in their face over at DN so we can laugh?
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Postby inhuien » 15 Jun 2008 08:47

That's a lot of changes, what size does it slim down to?
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Postby Freakzilla » 15 Jun 2008 08:54

inhuien wrote:That's a lot of changes, what size does it slim down to?

I've always said the Legends and Prelude series' could have been two books all together.
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Postby Secher Nbiw » 15 Jun 2008 08:54

inhuien wrote:That's a lot of changes, what size does it slim down to?


5 pages?

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Postby orald » 15 Jun 2008 09:29

I lovez salviors! :D
In memory of Perach, who suffered and died needlessly.

I wish I could have been with you that one last time.

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Postby Dom » 15 Jun 2008 09:59

Wow! House Atreides with all the crap cut out! Can't wait to read it: all two pages of it! ;)

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Lisan Al-Gaib
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Postby Lisan Al-Gaib » 15 Jun 2008 10:06

Serkanner wrote:I admire your dedication but the chronicles never needed a prequel. Altered or not they remain a useless piece of junk.


You make me sad, I put too much effort in that.

That's a lot of changes, what size does it slim down to?


From 448 pages originally to 369 pages best edited.

Have you pushed this in their face over at DN so we can laugh?


Good idea.



More edited reasons added to the List.
The singular multiplicity of this universe draws my deepest attention. It is a thing of ultimate beauty.

-- The Stolen Journals


dm1215
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Re: Dune: House Atreides - Edited and Revised version.

Postby dm1215 » 15 Jun 2008 11:02

Lisan Al-Gaib wrote:I finished reading the House Atreides. In spite of being agaisn t the Bh & KJA Dune books, I really liked some chapter and plots, but there was somes that I hated.
I believe they have some kind of Frank's notes about the background of Dune, and then put some of that in the Prelude series, and because of that I felt I had to search for these elements. Starting from that, I begin a personal work to turn House Atreides more similar to what the real fans of Dune and I expected.
I cut unnecessary chapters, deleted miscreated informations, cliché, deleted some things that didn't fix to the original books, replace and changed characters and all that without change the main plot (Tleilaxu spice).But I didn't re-write the book, chapter or a hole paragraph.

The only chapters that remain mostly untouched was from the Paulus and Helena Atreides, Leto Atreides and Pardot Kynes.

The most dramatical shifted character was Mohiam. She no longer exist. She was correctly changed for Tanidia Nerus, the real mother of Jessica as Leto II said in Children of Dune.

Well, here goes a list of the changes made in this revision:

1) Gaius Helen Mohiam => Tanidia Nerus
2) Duncan's parents killed in front of him => Duncan's sister killed in front of him. (Leto II said about a Duncan's sister being killed by the Harkonnens)
3) Elacca => Ecaz (Elacca world don't exist).
4) Shadam less stupid.
5) Harmonthep citations deteled ("It is supposed to have been a no longer existent satellite of Delta Pavonis." - Dune)
6) Fenring killing Cuncubine chapter deleted.
7) Mohiam praying for god chapter deleted.
8 ) Mohiam crying for killing her derfomated daugther chapter deleted.
9) Anirul consulting Feng-Shui mistic half-chapter deleted. (the other half is about Jessica's birth)
10) All the Rogos transceiver sub-plot deleted.
11) All citations of Tleilaxu masters being religious fanatic deleted. (that was only discovery in HoD)
12) Idiotic and cliché passages.
13) Language of God being explained to be the DNA deleted. (that should remain a beautiful metaphor)
14) Idiotic Bloodsucker Tleilaxu machine deleted.
15) D'murr Navigator sub-plot deleted. (Navigator should remain misterious)
16) Leto and Rhombur adventure in the reef deleted.
17) "of Dur" deleted. (From where they take the idea that the people in Duniverse pray for a God called Dur??? Religions in Duniverse were amalgam from the real religions )
18 ) Lady Shando being killed chapter deleted. (unnecessary, that is explained in the next chapter)
19) Shaddam teachers fucking deleted. (go fuck in other universe - Changed made to turn the chapter more serious)
20) Funny fat lady deleted. (obviously)
21) Duncan felling something strange in the bull chapter deleted. (unnecessary - situation explained in the bull fighting chapter)
22) Baron killing a dwarf chapter deleted. (obviously)
23) Rabban exploding Sandworm half-chapter deleted. (no one blow up Shai-Hulud!)
24) Bridge of Hrethgir citation deleted. (that event never happened)
25) Butlerian Jihad misinterpretations deleted. ("Once men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would
set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them." - Dune)
26) All citation to Nuked Salusa Secundus deleted. (Any mention in the originals about Salusa being nuked.)
27) "Spice mus flow" deleted. (a infamous tribute to David Lynch movie)
28)Robo-piloted shuttle deleted. (A obsviously transgression to the BJ)

I think that is all. I made that version for me, but if anyone wanted it, send me an e-mail and I'll give you a copy.
If you find more things that should be deleted or changed, tell me and I'll analise.

Well, I don't agree with the main plot, but as I couldn't deleted I tray to edit the book achieving the best way.

During this work I feel my self has the book editor they never had. A editor committed to Dune.

my e-mail (no spam please): pedrohasselmann@yahoo.com.br


Wow. That's a lot. Guess I enjoyed it without thinking too hard on these things. I really liked House Atreides.
Long live the frightners!

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Lisan Al-Gaib
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Re: Dune: House Atreides - Edited and Revised version.

Postby Lisan Al-Gaib » 15 Jun 2008 11:15

dm1215 wrote: Wow. That's a lot. Guess I enjoyed it without thinking too hard on these things. I really liked House Atreides.


So you should read my revised version.





One more reason added to the list.
Last edited by Lisan Al-Gaib on 15 Jun 2008 14:15, edited 2 times in total.
The singular multiplicity of this universe draws my deepest attention. It is a thing of ultimate beauty.

-- The Stolen Journals


dm1215
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Joined: 15 Jun 2008 10:19

Re: Dune: House Atreides - Edited and Revised version.

Postby dm1215 » 15 Jun 2008 11:23

Lisan Al-Gaib wrote:
dm1215 wrote: Wow. That's a lot. Guess I enjoyed it without thinking too hard on these things. I really liked House Atreides.


You should read the mine so.

Look again, One more reason added.


Not sure what you mean by "read the mine so." What was added?
Long live the frightners!

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Postby Serkanner » 15 Jun 2008 12:12

Lisan Al-Gaib wrote:
Serkanner wrote:I admire your dedication but the chronicles never needed a prequel. Altered or not they remain a useless piece of junk.


You make me sad, I put too much effort in that.



Let me phrase it differently then: you wasted good time on a shitty job.
"... the mystery of life isn't a problem to solve but a reality to experience."

“There is no escape—we pay for the violence of our ancestors.”

Sandrider: "Keith went to Bobo's for a weekend of drinking, watched some DVDs,
and wrote a Dune Novel."

dm1215
Posts: 36
Joined: 15 Jun 2008 10:19

Postby dm1215 » 15 Jun 2008 12:13

Hey, I'm new here and all, but I thought insults weren't allowed. Just wondering what kind of place I've stumbled on to.
Long live the frightners!

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Postby orald » 15 Jun 2008 12:19

Let me rephrase what my learnered friend Serkanner here wrote.

I think he means Lisan wasted time on trying to improve what is essencially broken and shitty(the pre/sequels) and byond all repair.

There is just no way to pretty up a pile of stinking dung, no matter how pretty you cut and tie the ribbons.

dm1215 wrote:but I thought insults weren't allowed

:twisted:
In memory of Perach, who suffered and died needlessly.



I wish I could have been with you that one last time.

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Postby Serkanner » 15 Jun 2008 12:20

dm1215 wrote:Hey, I'm new here and all, but I thought insults weren't allowed. Just wondering what kind of place I've stumbled on to.


What insult?
"... the mystery of life isn't a problem to solve but a reality to experience."

“There is no escape—we pay for the violence of our ancestors.”

Sandrider: "Keith went to Bobo's for a weekend of drinking, watched some DVDs,
and wrote a Dune Novel."

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orald
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Postby orald » 15 Jun 2008 12:36

Serkanner wrote:
dm1215 wrote:Hey, I'm new here and all, but I thought insults weren't allowed. Just wondering what kind of place I've stumbled on to.


What insult?

Yea, you should check the "prequel-sequel" forum. There are some stuff there that'll make even me blanch! :shock:
In memory of Perach, who suffered and died needlessly.



I wish I could have been with you that one last time.

dm1215
Posts: 36
Joined: 15 Jun 2008 10:19

Postby dm1215 » 15 Jun 2008 12:45

Serkanner wrote:
Lisan Al-Gaib wrote:
Serkanner wrote:I admire your dedication but the chronicles never needed a prequel. Altered or not they remain a useless piece of junk.


You make me sad, I put too much effort in that.



Let me phrase it differently then: you wasted good time on a shitty job.


I'm pretty new to this message board but telling someone they wasted their time and did a "shitty job" seems like an insult. That guy did a lot of work and I would not call it a waste of time. He seems like a dedicated Dune fan who decided to take on a task he enjoyed. And then you tell him it was a waste of time AND a shitty job? Not insulting?
Long live the frightners!

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Postby orald » 15 Jun 2008 12:51

I still think serk meant something more along what I explained.
In memory of Perach, who suffered and died needlessly.



I wish I could have been with you that one last time.

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Lisan Al-Gaib
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Postby Lisan Al-Gaib » 15 Jun 2008 13:03

Serkanner wrote:
Lisan Al-Gaib wrote:
Serkanner wrote:I admire your dedication but the chronicles never needed a prequel. Altered or not they remain a useless piece of junk.


You make me sad, I put too much effort in that.



Let me phrase it differently then: you wasted good time on a shitty job.


I didn't use bad words with you. In all the threads I participate I think is good to be kind with the people.

I didn't think it was a shitty work, I think I improve the book. I did for myself, if you didn't like, it's ok.

orald wrote: here is just no way to pretty up a pile of stinking dung, no matter how pretty you cut and tie the ribbons.


I agree in part. I think the house books was badly written, but I felt that I could do somethings to make it better.
The singular multiplicity of this universe draws my deepest attention. It is a thing of ultimate beauty.

-- The Stolen Journals


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Postby inhuien » 15 Jun 2008 15:14

Lisan Al-Gaib wrote:
Serkanner wrote:
Lisan Al-Gaib wrote:
Serkanner wrote:I admire your dedication but the chronicles never needed a prequel. Altered or not they remain a useless piece of junk.


You make me sad, I put too much effort in that.



Let me phrase it differently then: you wasted good time on a shitty job.


I didn't use bad words with you. In all the threads I participate I think is good to be kind with the people.

I didn't think it was a shitty work, I think I improve the book. I did for myself, if you didn't like, it's ok.

orald wrote: here is just no way to pretty up a pile of stinking dung, no matter how pretty you cut and tie the ribbons.


I agree in part. I think the house books was badly written, but I felt that I could do somethings to make it better.


Lisan Al-Gaib, Serkanner didn't say that you did a poor/shitty/unworthy job in editting HA but rather that undertaking the job was shitty i.e. if you had to shovel shit that is a shitty job.

Did I say shit to much there, I'm not sure. least thats how I see it.
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Postby Lisan Al-Gaib » 15 Jun 2008 15:21

inhuien wrote:
Lisan Al-Gaib wrote:
Serkanner wrote:
Lisan Al-Gaib wrote:
Serkanner wrote:I admire your dedication but the chronicles never needed a prequel. Altered or not they remain a useless piece of junk.


You make me sad, I put too much effort in that.



Let me phrase it differently then: you wasted good time on a shitty job.


I didn't use bad words with you. In all the threads I participate I think is good to be kind with the people.

I didn't think it was a shitty work, I think I improve the book. I did for myself, if you didn't like, it's ok.

orald wrote: here is just no way to pretty up a pile of stinking dung, no matter how pretty you cut and tie the ribbons.


I agree in part. I think the house books was badly written, but I felt that I could do somethings to make it better.


Lisan Al-Gaib, Serkanner didn't say that you did a poor/shitty/unworthy job in editting HA but rather that undertaking the job was shitty i.e. if you had to shovel shit that is a shitty job.

Did I say shit to much there, I'm not sure. least thats how I see it.



Ahmmm, ok, now I understand...

I'm not a native english speaker, so sometimes I don't realize between the tiny points of the language :wink:

So...Thank you, hehehe
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Postby Phaedrus » 15 Jun 2008 15:21

dm1215 wrote:
Serkanner wrote:
Lisan Al-Gaib wrote:
Serkanner wrote:I admire your dedication but the chronicles never needed a prequel. Altered or not they remain a useless piece of junk.


You make me sad, I put too much effort in that.



Let me phrase it differently then: you wasted good time on a shitty job.


I'm pretty new to this message board but telling someone they wasted their time and did a "shitty job" seems like an insult. That guy did a lot of work and I would not call it a waste of time. He seems like a dedicated Dune fan who decided to take on a task he enjoyed. And then you tell him it was a waste of time AND a shitty job? Not insulting?


The rule is, no personal attacks. He didn't attack the person(in reality, he didn't even attack what the person did, in this case, but let's assume he did), he attacked the argument. That's what you're supposed to do if you disagree with someone.

EDIT: And you might notice in the above post that there's no hard feelings about it.
You aren't thinking or really existing unless you're willing to risk even your own sanity in the judgment of your existence.

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Postby Lisan Al-Gaib » 15 Jun 2008 15:24

Can we come back to the thead's point?

Would someone like to read or analise what I did? hehehe
I think I did a good (and shitty :lol: ) job on it!
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Postby Phaedrus » 15 Jun 2008 15:27

It reminds me of a project I once read about.

Someone edited Star Wars Episode I, cut about an hour off of the movie, and made what they called "The Phantom Edit," which was apparently a cleaner and better movie than what George Lucas sent out for people to watch.

It's like that, only if you tried it with Episode II. It's a great idea, and it probably WOULD make the book better, but sometimes, no amount of editing will fix what was fundamentally wrong in the first place.

It's been so long since I read House Atreides that I didn't even remember half of those plotlines, so I really can't say if it would be better. Honestly, I barely remember what the book was about.
You aren't thinking or really existing unless you're willing to risk even your own sanity in the judgment of your existence.


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