Behold ye curious onlookers...

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Sole Man

Behold ye curious onlookers...

Postby Sole Man » 29 Jan 2009 15:58

And see the defining story that established myself as a key member of Dumb Novels, A masterpeice of hte mind, a blend of DUNE, Clint Eastwood, and horrific speeling!

I gve you (In three conveint posts as they were orignally published) the unforgettable classic:

High Dunes drifter.


He came in. a man in a still suit with robes and mask that resembeled old Arabian dress. He ad the blue-within-blue eyes of spice addiction, but that didn't nessacecayily mean he was a fremen.
He had apparently rode a worm into Arraken, but nobody really cared;. He kept his mouth fliter on at all times. Until he walked into a bar.
It was a dim bar, with several men around it, and smoke in the air. There was a man in a long black leather coat and sun glasees sitting a tone table with his feet up, but the stranger ingorned him.
He walked right to the bar, and sat down. He ordered spice beer, and tw or three men were staring at him.
The bartender brought him his drink, and he begon to drink it, having removed his mouth filter. One man walked over, and said "Hello there stranger."
The man looked at him. He shurrged him off.
"Well, a'nit ya' goanna say somethin'?"
The stranger shook his head.
"Well, why not?"
The stranger sipped at his beer.
"Hey listen- I don't like you, and niether do my buddies."
The stranger looked back, and saw two other men standing there.
"So, wh don't you just leave town?" They all began reaching for guns on thier hips.
The man reached inside his robe and quickly pulled out a Mala pistol, and fanned them all down. (I have no idea what a Muala pistol ooks like.)
everyone there drew thier guns, and pointed them at him. The bartender was holding up a shotgun.
"Now why don't you get outta here.?"
"And so I shall." He said.

Sole Man

High Dunes drifter part II

Postby Sole Man » 29 Jan 2009 15:59

The Man walked out, and the man in the long black leather coat walked out too.
The Stranger walked briskly, followed in part by the ,man in the Black cloak.
Finally, a police (Or whatever) officer came over to him and stopped him. (Oh yeah-the man has plain feautes and a sharp nose, ya' know, like Clint Eastwood.)
"Sir, you know you killed three men at a bar down the street rgiht?"
The stranger nodded yes.
"Well, Ugh, sir, we're going to have to take you in."
The stranger grinned, luaghed, and then shoved a poined Crysknife up the man's abdomen. He walked on.
Some time later, a man in a torn-s;eeves deniem shirt and jeans walked up to him with some buddies of his.
"Well, well, well, What have we got here?"
The stranger looked at him.
"We got ourselves a wanted man. Apparently, you killed three men and a cop. Wellm you're goin' in buddy. And so's the man behind you." e gestured to the man in the black cloak.
The stanger quickly pulled his Maula pisto0l from his robes, and faneed six of them down, and the man behind him and drawn his gun so fast it had materlized into his hand, and he had shot the rest down. He had a lasre pistol.
The man in the long black leather cloak walked up to the stranger, and then said helo.
Then shots rang out across the shoping area. The stranger hit it, going for a fire escape, and climbing up it at full speed, while the man in Black followed him up, just walking along. The stranger got to the top, running while the man in black had walked up, the stranger stood in front of two bounty hunters. He quickly pulled out his pistol, but it was empty, so the man in black shot 'em.
The stranger stood there, looking at the corpses, and said to the man in black "Could you get me outta here?" He had a thin, wispy voice.
"Yeah, I coud."
"Will?"
"Sure."
The Stranger put up his mouth fliter, and they walked along the building tops, trying to get out.
Along the way, the stranger asked the Man in Black, "What are you wanted for?"
"I killed a couple people, did some things."
"Really?
"Yes, really."
"oh."
A shot hit thier feet.
The man i Black loked up, and saw a man sitting there. He looked tough, with sunglases, a small beard, and a ciggert hangin' out of his mouth.
"Hello idiots." He said.
The Man in black looked at him fior a moment, then shot him. He walked over, looked through all his posseios, and found a picture a fremen woman naked.
Isn't this Maud'dib's wife? he thought, and threw it on the guy. Must'a had an affair with, what's name? Chenney, Chani, somethin' like that?

They were walking along the building tops, when a brown spider with red glowing came oput, a ton sand dripping from its mouth. It hissed at them, and raised its elgs, and made all kind a sounds.
Boom! The Man in Black shot it.

As they were walking alon,g, twenty men rolled out. Bounty Hunters.
The Stranger quickly rolled to the side, shooting them down as he went, while the Man in Black stood his ground, and fired at them. He killed one man, who flipped back, and his face turned into something with gray skin, and ugly face, and a pudge nose. He had a big "B" On the left side of shirt.
Theere was a Smauri man standing there, wieding his blade, and bein' fancy and all, and The Man in Black shot him.
The Stranger fanned the rest down, the ten or so the Man in Black didn't kill, pusing only to reload his gun with the four ullets he needed. After that, they walked on.

As they went, They fianlly came to a building with so many bounty hunters, They complety blocked out the other side.
The Man in Black and the stranger looked at each other, Then dashed for a fire escape on the side.
While going down, they fired at the men firing at them. The man in Black hit one man who had a blocky Eygptian stlye face, and burned a really,super-duper freak-lookin' guy.
The Stranger fanned down some guy who looked like an old sort of, and killed a guy who looked like he had some inportance in this world, not just anothe bumb.
Sole went down first, giving the Stranger time to shoots one more guy., then he headed down himself.
They hit the floor of the Alley, and the Stanger said the the Man in Black, "We're goanna half to be movin'"
'Well, Let's run.

Sole Man

High Dunes drifter part III

Postby Sole Man » 29 Jan 2009 16:00

They pushed out into the crowd, with the music from the chase of STEWIE GRIFFEN: THE UNTOLD STORY going on. They ran, with cops and bounty hunters shooting at tehm, for murder, robbery, rape, and illegal posseion of a wart.
One big burly frem got in they're way, and they shot him. The stranger fanned down three bounty hunters, and dove for cover underneath a small legde. The Man in Black kept running, hoping to avoid the shots. The stranger got up, and ran on, turning back to fan some men down.
BOOM!there was a big explosion in front of them. They stopped just before it, and ran to the left. They ran around the hole, and avoided another.
The man in Black thought Where the Hell- BOOM! A man with a rocket luancher was shooting at them. The Man in Black managed to shoot him with a pistol while he was on the ground, the sniper was on a building top. He ran on.
six cops came running out in front of them, and the stranger fanned them down.
More cops and bounty hunters came riding in behind them on motrcycles and cars and what not. The Man in Black blew one of them up as it came screaching by, but they finally climbed up a fire escape. They were fired upon by men, who managed to knock the fire escape down just as they climbed over the egde. The stranger shot down another fire escape.
They ran on, and killed a few more bounty hunters.
the edge of a building came within sight, and the cops were riding along on the ground parrele to them.
The made it to the edge, and jumped off! (That music when Stweie jumps off the tramplene is playing)
They were flying slowmotion.as the cops pulled up. Stillthrough the air. The cops and bounty hunters got out. Still through the air. The cops were getting out heavy6 weapons. Alomst there-
They fired.
They summer salted trough the air, and landed, unharmed.
When they looked up, they saw a sign that read:

Open Desert
1 mile.

Panting the stranger said: "Damn. shouldn't have milked that landing."

Tyhey ran on, allomst to the desert. By now, all of the cops, bounty hunters, farmers with shotguns, and anyone else who cared, was after tyhem. They got to a point where all that seperated them from the desert was a few feet, and buildings. Actually the buildings were on the sides. They spruinted.
Shots rang out, they fired back, hitting few, but not much. They ran, until the Man in Black pulled out a device, and threw it. They ran quickly, and a wall of fire erupted behind them. They ran for the desert.
Upon reaching it, the stranger pulled out a thumper.
Panting, over the beating of the thumper, he turned and asked the Man in Black "What's your name?"
Before the Stranger could ride off into the sunset of his giant worm, the man replied
"Man. Sole Man,."

(James Bond music booms in the background)

THE
END

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chanilover
Posts: 1639
Joined: 18 Feb 2008 08:29

Postby chanilover » 02 Feb 2009 16:51

I liked the story you did with me in it which Byron deleted.
"You and your buddies and that b*tch Mandy are nothing but a gang of lying, socially maladjusted losers." - St Hypatia of Arrakeen.
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Sole Man

On byron deleting that.

Postby Sole Man » 03 Feb 2009 15:46

That son of a bitch!

I mean why? just becuase it was a real look at how unjustly he was banning bpeople for no good reason (And was infact written for him to read and recognize the error of his ways?)

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Freakzilla
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Re: On byron deleting that.

Postby Freakzilla » 03 Feb 2009 15:55

Sole Man wrote:That son of a bitch!

I mean why? just becuase it was a real look at how unjustly he was banning bpeople for no good reason (And was infact written for him to read and recognize the error of his ways?)


Yeah, probably.
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Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman


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