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      Non-dune discussion

    Moderators: Omphalos, Freakzilla, ᴶᵛᵀᴬ

    Re: Humor

    Postby Freakzilla » 09 Dec 2011 17:13

    A Thing of Eternity wrote:
    Crizius wrote:What killed the dinosaurs?
    The ice age!


    I'm lost... what's the joke?


    Since you don't understand the joke, you obviously have no sense of humor. :wink:
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    Re: Humor

    Postby Freakzilla » 09 Dec 2011 17:20

    Maybe a video would help? :shock:
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    Re: Humor

    Postby A Thing of Eternity » 09 Dec 2011 17:32

    Yes please.
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    Re: Humor

    Postby JustSomeGuy » 09 Dec 2011 22:39

    I get jokes.
    I bring nothing to the table.
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    Re: Humor

    Postby SadisticCynic » 10 Dec 2011 04:38

    :cylon101:

    Ah English, the language where pretty much any word can have any meaning! - A Thing of Eternity
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    Re: Humor

    Postby A Thing of Eternity » 10 Dec 2011 05:04

    EXPLAIN TO ME THIS JOKE. I am intoxicated and want to understand.

    Ok, wait - the ice age didn't kill the dinosaurs, "the" ice age (the one people mean when they say "the") happened much later, much much later. But the fact that the answer is wrong doesn't make it a joke, there must be a pun in there I'm missing...

    EXPLAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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    Re: Humor

    Postby Freakzilla » 10 Dec 2011 09:56

    (I don't get it either.) :?
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    Re: Humor

    Postby SandChigger » 10 Dec 2011 11:53

    Maybe it got lost in translation? :think:
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    Re: Humor

    Postby Crizius » 10 Dec 2011 12:00

    Well I guess it's my fault. I should be able to do better that steal "jokes" from movie which is considered a worst movie of all time
    I rarely post because most of the time I feel I have nothing to add

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    Re: Humor

    Postby Crizius » 10 Dec 2011 12:42

    Q.What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
    A.Snow.

    Q.Why do black people stink?
    A.So that blind could hate the too

    Q.How do you know if a Chinese person has robbed your house?
    A.Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later, the ****er is still trying to back out of your driveway.


    Q.Why do jews have big nose?
    A.Because the air is free.
    I rarely post because most of the time I feel I have nothing to add

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    Re: Humor

    Postby SandChigger » 10 Dec 2011 12:56

    You should refrain from posting in this thread for a while.

    At least until you understand what is funny and what is not.
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    Re: Humor

    Postby SadisticCynic » 10 Dec 2011 15:13

    Indeed: from the Bad Examples forum http://www.jacurutu.com/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=929

    Have a look sir, before you (even accidentily) get yourself into some trouble.
    Ah English, the language where pretty much any word can have any meaning! - A Thing of Eternity
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    Re: Humor

    Postby Freakzilla » 10 Dec 2011 16:03

    I promise you, we've all heard those jokes before... when we were ten.
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    Re: Humor

    Postby Omphalos » 10 Dec 2011 19:39

    Crizius wrote:Q.What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
    A.Snow.

    Q.Why do black people stink?
    A.So that blind could hate the too

    Q.How do you know if a Chinese person has robbed your house?
    A.Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later, the ****er is still trying to back out of your driveway.


    Q.Why do jews have big nose?
    A.Because the air is free.


    Is this the first time you ave ever interacted with Americans or on an English forum? Seems to me that it might be, so I'll cut you some slack for a bit, but you can knock off this crap now, and just leave English humor alone until you have read a LOT more. And preferably from a source other than Blanche Knott's Truly Tasteless Jokes.
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    Re: Humor

    Postby Nekhrun » 10 Dec 2011 20:27

    Is racism funny in your country?
    "If he was here to discuss Dune, he sure as hell picked a dumb way to do it." -Omphalos :character-cookiemonster:

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    Re: Humor

    Postby Freakzilla » 10 Dec 2011 20:36

    Here's one he might like...

    What kind of bees make milk?




















    Boo-bees
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    Re: Humor

    Postby Freakzilla » 10 Dec 2011 20:37

    Here's another one...

    What's brown and sticky?






















    A stick
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    Re: Humor

    Postby SandChigger » 11 Dec 2011 08:02

    Freakzilla wrote:Boo-bees


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    :P
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    Re: Humor

    Postby Freakzilla » 11 Dec 2011 10:30

    The smile that goes with that is perfect.
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    Re: Humor

    Postby Freakzilla » 03 Jan 2012 09:48

    Puns for Intelligent People

    The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

    She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

    A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    A dog gave birth to puppies near the road, and was cited for littering.

    A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head."

    I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass'.

    The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    A backward poet writes inverse.

    In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

    When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

    If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

    A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

    Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron." The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive."

    Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

    There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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    Re: Humor

    Postby Robspierre » 17 Mar 2012 00:24

    The reason the sun set on the British Empire?


    God didn't trust an Englishman in the dark. :dance:


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    Re: Humor

    Postby Freakzilla » 17 Mar 2012 08:28

    Vegatarians.......my food poops on your food.
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    Re: Humor

    Postby Freakzilla » 22 Mar 2012 15:14

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    Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
    ~Pink Snowman
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    Re: Humor

    Postby Freakzilla » 30 Mar 2012 16:11

    The 10 Marriage Commandments

    Commandment 1
    Marriages are made in heaven.
    But then again, so is thunder and lightning.

    Commandment 2
    If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

    Commandment 3
    Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least a 100 grand!

    Commandment 4
    Married life is very frustrating.
    In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
    In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
    In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

    Commandment 5
    When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
    Either the car is new or the wife is.

    Commandment 6
    Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
    The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

    Commandment 7
    Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said .
    After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

    Commandment 8
    Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
    But the law allows only one wife.

    Commandment 9
    Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry.
    That is why one treats the other like toxic waste.

    Commandment 10
    A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

    BONUS COMMANDMENT STORY
    A long married couple came upon a wishing well.
    The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
    The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
    The wife was stunned for a moment, then she leaned over the well again and said,
    "Gee,… I didn't think it would happen that quick!"
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    Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
    ~Pink Snowman
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    Re: Humor

    Postby Freakzilla » 13 Apr 2012 14:53

    What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

















    It only takes one nail to hang the picture.
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    Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
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