Funny Amazon stuff

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othaderak
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Funny Amazon stuff

Postby othaderak » 22 Sep 2009 15:35

http://www.amazon.com/Tuscan-Whole-Milk ... roduct_top

This one has some awesome comments, but this is the best one I think I've ever seen on the whole site.

Edgar in Baltimore wrote:Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts 'N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
'Bad condensor, that,' I muttered, 'vibrating the icebox door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Not to sound like a complainer, but, in an inept half-gainer,
I provoked my bowl to tip and spill its contents on the floor.
Stupefied, I came to muddle over that increasing puddle,
Burgeoning deluge of that which I at present do adore -
Snowy Tuscan wholesomeness exclusively produced offshore -
Purg'ed here for evermore.

And the pool so white and silky, filled me with a sense of milky
Ardor of the type fantastic of a loss not known before,
So that now, to still the throbbing of my heart, while gently sobbing,
I retreated, heading straightway for the tempting icebox door -
Heedless of that pitter-patter tapping at the icebox door -
I resolved to have some more.

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
'This,' said I, 'requires an extra dram of milk, my favorite pour.'
To the icebox I aspired, motivated to admire
How its avocado pigment complemented my decor.
Then I grasped its woodgrain handle - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams of Tuscans I had known before
But the light inside was broken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only words there spoken were my whispered words, 'No more!'
Coke and beer, some ketchup I set eyes on, and an apple core -
Merely this and nothing more.

Back toward the table turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
'Surely,' said I, 'surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

From the window came a stirring, then, with an incessant purring,
Inside stepped a kitten; mannerlessly did she me ignore.
Not the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she;
But, with mien of lord or lady, withdrew to my dining floor -
Pounced upon the pool of Tuscan spreading o'er my dining floor -
Licked, and lapped, and supped some more.

Then this tiny cat beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grand enthusiasm of the countenance she wore,
Toward the mess she showed no pity, 'til I said, 'Well, hello, kitty!'
Sought she me with pretty eyes that seemed to open some rapport.
So I pleaded, 'Tell me, tell me what it is that you implore!'
Quoth the kitten, 'Get some more.'



Post more stuff!
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SadisticCynic
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Re: Funny Amazon stuff

Postby SadisticCynic » 22 Sep 2009 16:05

Fantastic, I love it!

Another one, but not as good: Muzak
Ah English, the language where pretty much any word can have any meaning! - A Thing of Eternity

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othaderak
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Re: Funny Amazon stuff

Postby othaderak » 22 Sep 2009 19:46

Awesome! It's about time someone called out all those poser bands like Van Halen, Miles Davis, Led Zeppelin and Beethoven. MTV RULEZ!!!11!!11oneoneone
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Nekhrun
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Re: Funny Amazon stuff

Postby Nekhrun » 17 Jan 2011 09:20

Forgot to post this before when I first saw it, but here it is:

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lotek
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Re: Funny Amazon stuff

Postby lotek » 17 Jan 2011 09:50

I think that her kid being very much slower than normal is the only way he could make any sense and actually enjoy the Multiple Turds of Dung...
Spice is the worm's gonads.

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Shaitan
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Re: Funny Amazon stuff

Postby Shaitan » 09 Feb 2011 17:11

I found this particularly amusing (granted it's from eBay not amazon, but the concept is similar enough that I thought it belonged in this thread), but can't post it directly to the forum because of the super-huge image size:

TI-83+ calculator Amazon listing -- http://i.imgur.com/hLHVB.png
"When the going gets weird, the Weird turn Pro." -Hunter S. Thompson
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Hunchback Jack
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Re: Funny Amazon stuff

Postby Hunchback Jack » 09 Feb 2011 17:19

:lol:

That was pretty damn entertaining.

HBJ
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SadisticCynic
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Re: Funny Amazon stuff

Postby SadisticCynic » 09 Feb 2011 17:23

Wasn't it? :)

This is the calculator that God uses when he wants to add up how long he'll you live...


:lol:
Ah English, the language where pretty much any word can have any meaning! - A Thing of Eternity

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merkin muffley
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Re: Funny Amazon stuff

Postby merkin muffley » 21 Feb 2011 10:38

Brian Conway has recently been inspired by the protests in the Middle East...

Think what you like. It is just a continuation of the of your (collectively) policy of dehumanizing anyone who expresses a favorable view for any books written by KJH. This is not unlike the methodology employed by extremist groups world wide who lack the ability to accept that others may share a different viewpoint.


:laughing: :Adolf: (in this context, Hitler is laughing hysterically while pounding his fist)

http://www.amazon.com/gp/forum/cd/discussion.html/ref=cm_cd_notf_message?ie=UTF8&cdForum=Fx2XWGES9MTVSPH&cdPage=2&asin=B003M69WG2&cdThread=Tx1Z2D5GSRXT9ZF#Mx2IART2TT7X72W
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SandChigger
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Re: Funny Amazon stuff

Postby SandChigger » 21 Feb 2011 14:01

Really? Hadn't seen that yet.

Yeah, Pestie likes to try to elevate things to a grand struggle about human rights and freedom and liberty.

But, hey, I feel no qualms whatsoever in dehamunizing...I mean, dehumanizing a pig coward like him. :lol:

Wrap dat piggie up in a blankey!
I have heard of only one mistake that doesn’t have an explanation for a careful reader...with an open mind. (And, no, I’m not going to tell you what it is!) —KJA

I don't like every writer's style; for instance, I have never been able to get through Ursula LeGuin, China Mieville, or Iain Banks, all of whom are critical darlings. —KJA

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inhuien
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Re: Funny Amazon stuff

Postby inhuien » 21 Feb 2011 15:07

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That reminds me, I must talk to my good friend the Rabbi.
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SandChigger
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Re: Funny Amazon stuff

Postby SandChigger » 21 Feb 2011 15:22

inhuien wrote:Image

Ooh, piggies the bacon-way! :lol:

No, THESE are pigs in a blanket! :snooty:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ameri ... ankets.jpg

Edit: Grrrrr!
I have heard of only one mistake that doesn’t have an explanation for a careful reader...with an open mind. (And, no, I’m not going to tell you what it is!) —KJA

I don't like every writer's style; for instance, I have never been able to get through Ursula LeGuin, China Mieville, or Iain Banks, all of whom are critical darlings. —KJA

I...had written a bunch of Star Wars and X-Files books...that proved not just that I'm a hack, but that I could write in somebody else's universe... —KJA

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inhuien
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Re: Funny Amazon stuff

Postby inhuien » 21 Feb 2011 15:56

SandChigger wrote:Edit: Grrrrr!

Now I suppose these are okay? :cat fight: :lol:
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TheDukester
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Re: Funny Amazon stuff

Postby TheDukester » 21 Feb 2011 16:47

Hey, Pestie, who is "KJH"? :think:
"Anything I write will be remembered and listed in bibliographies on Dune for several hundred years ..." — some delusional halfwit troll.

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Serkanner
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Re: Funny Amazon stuff

Postby Serkanner » 22 Feb 2011 07:54

TheDukester wrote:Hey, Pestie, who is "KJH"? :think:


Keith J. Hackerson obviously.
"... the mystery of life isn't a problem to solve but a reality to experience."

“There is no escape—we pay for the violence of our ancestors.”

Sandrider: "Keith went to Bobo's for a weekend of drinking, watched some DVDs,
and wrote a Dune Novel."


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