Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

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TheDukester
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Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby TheDukester » 12 Nov 2009 23:08

And keep in mind that that is a huge savings over the regular price of $999:

This is unspeakable; proceed at your own peril

Some of my favorite parts:

    Keith says he wrote the new Dune books. Brian Herbert is mentioned in parentheses.

    Keith refers to himself as a "movie producer." Yes, for real. Despite the only movie he's ever been even tangentially involved with being delayed indefinitely.

    "How to flip a mental switch that turns your subconscious mind into an ingenious story-generating machine." Spoken like a true hack.

    The attempt to give Becky a serious biography. As if she's ever written a single thing that wasn't "co-authored" by that hack she married.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. This is just industrial-strength hackery. Boiled down, it all comes to: "write your shit quick, get a check, move onto the next one." I'll bet a million dollars the word "craft" is not mentioned once all weekend.
"Anything I write will be remembered and listed in bibliographies on Dune for several hundred years ..." — some delusional halfwit troll.

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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby Freakzilla » 12 Nov 2009 23:14

Is this a joke? :|
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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby Hunchback Jack » 12 Nov 2009 23:18

:puke:

Erg, sorry about that.

Love Kev's "serious writer" pose in the photo. Can't believe he gets top billing, either. Sanderson may be completing Jordan's work, but he's previously written exclusively in his own universes, not someone else's. Haven't read any Farland, but I think he's the real deal. Flint is a Baen hack.

Edited to add: I love how the description talks about "insider secrets" and "tricks" used by successful authors. Right, we wouldn't want an author to have to stand on his or her *talent* or *dedication* now, would we?

:puke:

Urf, sorry again.

HBJ
Last edited by Hunchback Jack on 12 Nov 2009 23:20, edited 1 time in total.
"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
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I'm still very proud of The Quarry but … let's face it; in the end the real best way to sign off would have been with a great big rollicking Culture novel.
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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby TheDukester » 12 Nov 2009 23:19

Freakzilla wrote:Is this a joke? :|

Well, in a cosmic sense: yes. Sadly, in a literal sense: no.

He's Twatted and blogged about it. Those are real authors he's gathered the testimonials from. It's a real event.

Be sitting when you think about this: there are dumbasses in the world that will pay Kevin J. Anderson pretty good money to talk about writing. Hell, they'll pay Becky Moesta! I just dug out some nostril-butter that knows more about writing than that wench.
"Anything I write will be remembered and listed in bibliographies on Dune for several hundred years ..." — some delusional halfwit troll.

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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby Freakzilla » 12 Nov 2009 23:38

:puke:
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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby Ampoliros » 13 Nov 2009 01:33

This reminds me of those companies that prey on wannabe poets that publish your work if you buy a 50$ book with your poem in it.


Reading the description makes it seem more like they will be teaching you how to get published without being able to "write".
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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby A Thing of Eternity » 13 Nov 2009 01:48

Every week I know that I cannot possibly hate KJA more than I do currently. Every week I am eventually proven wrong.
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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby chanilover » 13 Nov 2009 02:51

This says it all:

Five techniques for exploiting an intellectual property in Hollywood and around the world


= five techniques for making money out of someone else's ideas and lifework.
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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby SandChigger » 13 Nov 2009 05:41

That's just fucking obscene. :shock:

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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby Mr. Teg » 13 Nov 2009 05:52

Didn't Byron or Ole Dune Pussy say he wanted to write a children's story set in Dune?

Now he can take lessons from a pro!
(Forget all those wasted Turkey dinners at Frank's knee while he spouted off about different wines!)

Wait.
Jabecca will be there, too.

Isn't she a pro, too? :wink:
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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby Redstar » 13 Nov 2009 06:15

Why pay for something he teaches for free? Read one of his books and do the opposite.

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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby DuneFishUK » 13 Nov 2009 07:14

What!?............... :lol: :puke-huge:


Although I did spot this in David Farland's entry: -

"He holds the Guinness World Record for the largest single author signing (under the name David Wolverton)"

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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby Apjak » 13 Nov 2009 09:07

You’re Backed By an Generous Guarantee:

After attending the entire event, you must feel richly rewarded by the wisdom you’ve gained. If you don’t feel the Superstars Seminar was worth every penny, every minute and any effort you put into getting there, simply ask one of the authors for a complete refund and you’ll receive it promptly, no questions asked. We know that what we have to share with you is pivotal to your success. We’re sure you’ll agree when you walk out of the convention feeling enlightened. You will be glad you went or it’s free.


We should all fill the event and do this. Demand our money not just for the seminar but for their books.

(Yes, and the ad for a "writers" seminar is backed by an Generous Guarantee)... ?
I don't think the author should make the reader do that much work - Kevin J. Anderson
We think we've updated 'Dune' for a modern readership without dumbing it down.- Brian Herbert
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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby Bijaz » 13 Nov 2009 09:40

Fucking hilarious :lol:
They may take yairrrr Frreedom, but they ken nivverrrr take yairrrr Duuuunnne!

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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby lotek » 13 Nov 2009 11:20

Why investing in your writing “education” is essential to achieving your dreams. Why it’s more effective to learn from real, in-the-trenches authors, who have proven highly successful, than to study with college professors

yeah right in-the-trenches or in his wife's fat flaps?

~I mean who'd be stupid enough to think that education and knowledge are a hinder to telling a good story...
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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby Seraphan » 13 Nov 2009 11:56

He thinks he's better than college professors :roll:

Oh great bear shaped meteor! I summon thee, oh great one! Thou who navegates the endless cosmos i pray to thee, fall on KJA's massively swollen head!
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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby Dune Nerd » 13 Nov 2009 12:04

Could this mean that the money he is making from raping Dune is starting to fall off and he has to exploit stupid fan boys directly since the publishers won't pay him enough for his shit?

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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby SandChigger » 13 Nov 2009 12:15

I particularly liked the "college professors" one. ;) It fits perfectly with the very anti-academic attitude we've noted before.

"Don't you worry about writin good. Hell, I never write myself, I just talk Polished Prose™ into a recorder. Spellin n grammar n shit, that's what them frustrated wanna-be-but-never-will writers we call editors are for!" :lol:
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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby SandChigger » 13 Nov 2009 12:46

Something's a bit suss here...

(Seating Limited by Room Capacity)

Superstars Writing Seminar will take place
March 21 and 22, 2010
Pasadena Convention Center
Pasadena, CA.

I thought I'd have a nose about and see what kind of attendance they're expecting, based on what they've reserved. The Convention Center schedule lists this:
Fri 19 - Sun 21 Superstars Writing Tour

which details out to
Superstars Writing Tour
Date: Friday, 03/19/10 7:00 AM - Sunday, 03/21/10 9:00 PM
Open To The Public

So when is it, Sunday & Monday or Friday & Saturday or Saturday & Sunday? And is it a "Seminar" or a "Tour"? Consistency really is not an issue for these people, is it?

The SuperstarsWritingSeminars.com domain was registered with GoDaddy. Wanna bet there's an Anderson involved? ;)
"Let the dead give water to the dead. As for me, it's NO MORE FUCKING TEARS!"

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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby Seraphan » 13 Nov 2009 15:05

SandChigger wrote:The SuperstarsWritingSeminars.com domain was registered with GoDaddy. Wanna bet there's an Anderson involved? ;)

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"The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand." - Frank Herbert
“This tutoring is dialectical. Literature makes us better noticers of life; we get to practice on life itself; which in turn makes us better readers of detail in literature; which in turn makes us better readers of life. And so on and on.” - James Wood

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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby Hunchback Jack » 13 Nov 2009 16:11

The smugness in that ad is just disgusting.

"Why 98% of wanna-be authors fail simply because they never take the next step."

Either someone doesn't understand the negative connotation of the term "wannabe" ("aspiring" would have been a better choice here), or the author is as condescending as hell.

Misused terms? Misspellings? Hmm, I wonder who wrote this copy?

HBJ
"The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars."
- Carl Sagan

I'm still very proud of The Quarry but … let's face it; in the end the real best way to sign off would have been with a great big rollicking Culture novel.
- Iain Banks

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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby Ampoliros » 13 Nov 2009 17:30

Dude, we should totally mark that up with some red ink and mail it to jacketface.

If we did crash the Superstars event we should constantly bitch and moan about expecting Patterson, Brown, and Sparks being there and who are all these people?
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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby lotek » 13 Nov 2009 19:07

Image

for crying out loud even that logo sucks more than word could express...
Looks like some god forsaken concept of wrestling meets hackery :lol:

They probably thought it would be ironic to make it look that way, at least I hope the similarity was on purpose, "aaaannnnnnnnd nuuuuuwwwwwww, in the faaar left cawwrnner, I give yyyouu the Superstars wrestling seminars!!!" :crazy:
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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby DuneFishUK » 13 Nov 2009 19:33

Image

Fix'd

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Re: Kevin and Becky will teach you to write for $549

Postby SandChigger » 13 Nov 2009 20:22

Hunchback Jack wrote:The smugness in that ad is just disgusting.

"Why 98% of wanna-be authors fail simply because they never take the next step."

Either someone doesn't understand the negative connotation of the term "wannabe" ("aspiring" would have been a better choice here), or the author is as condescending as hell.

Misused terms? Misspellings? Hmm, I wonder who wrote this copy?

HBJ

ALL RIGHT, MISTER, THAT'LL BE ENOUGH OF THAT! YES, I'M TALKING TO YOU THERE IN THE 10TH ROW WITH THAT SMUG LOOK OF YOUR OWN AND THAT HUNCHED BACK! SNAP TO AND SIT UP STRAIGHT, MAN!

Wanna-bes are FAILURES and there won't be any FAILURES around here! Just WINNERS! WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN!!!
:angry-screaming:

So far as I can see, the ballroom at the Pasadena Convention Center looks to be the most likely choice for this, because it can be divided up into spaces of different sizes. The smallest "classroom" area they list, though, is 174 seats. Surely they can't expect that many? Or does that explain the "generous" Early Bird Special? :shock:

This appears to be the first time they're pulling, I mean holding this particular event, so keep your fingers crossed for a MASSIVE FAIL. :)
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