URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

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URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby SandRider » 11 Oct 2010 04:39

On 8/29/10, Alain Madhy Kabore <alainmkabore@voila.fr> wrote:
> FROM: MR. ALAIN MADHY KABORE
> FOREIGN REMITTANCE MANAGER
> BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A)
> OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO
> PHONE NUMBER +226 75909853
>
> Dear Friend,
>
> I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise as we never meet
> before. I am the FOREIGN REMITTANCE MANAGER of B.O.A Bank of Africa, I Hoped
> that you will not expose or betray this trust and confident that I am about
> to repose on you for the mutual benefit of our both families.
>
> I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of ($9.4M) Nine
> Million Four Hundred Thousand United States Dollars immediately to your
> account.
>
> Please I would like you to keep this proposal as a top secret and delete it
> if you are not interested.
>
> Upon receipt of your reply I will send you full details on how the business
> will be executed and also note that you will have 40% of the above mentioned
> amount if you agree to help me execute this business.
>
> I want you to assure me your capability of handling this transaction with
> trust by giving me the following information about your self.
>
> (1) NAME.......................
> (2) AGE:.......................
> (3) SEX:.......................
> (4) PHONE NUMBER:..............
> (5) OCCUPATION :...............
> (6) YOUR COUNTRY:..............
>
> Thanks and waiting for your urgent response
>
> Best Regards
> Mr. Alain Madhy Kabore

*******************************************************

from: Sand Rider <sandrider@jacurutu.com>
to: alainmkabore@voila.fr
date: Sun, Sep 5, 2010 at 4:48 PM
subject: I TOO AM WAITING ALSO FOR YOUR URGENT CALL AND REPLY.


Good Sir:

Very much interested am I in your decent proposal, and in return will
propagate a reciprocal negotiation, to wit: that of the current date
in my possession have I stock certificates of the value in total of
nine million four hundred thousand and ten united states dollars,and I
will also in urgent necessity confide that on open united states
markets traded these certificates can not be.

And so it would behoove me and be of external benefit to B.O.A. for to
have a mutual exchange of fluid currencies, in that you may trade said
certificates to my Mossi Brother in Bobo-Dioulasso, for which he will
give you total sum in gold or currency of choice. Your name and bank
in Ouagagougou to my Mossi Brother I have given and of the cause that
it will take four days to travel to the capital from the outland, as
you well know, him a message I have already sent. This four days
allowed time for to receive your bank draft of nine million four
hundred thousand united states dollars in my account, Cayman Island
Nationale Banque, access codes of which I will send via encrypted
packet on separate network.

If this is not satisfactory resolution, please notify IMMEDIATELY, so
that Mossi Brother will have no tragic misunderstandings upon arrival
him in the capital. If an exchange of currencies may be had in France
instead, please advise, as I have Mossi Brother with excellent
employment in FranceTelecom.

Access codes for exchange being encoded, your receivership momentarily
will occur. On attached file you may retrieve counter-encryption
code. I am standing by with anxious and happy heart to be of mutual
benefit to the great nation of Burkina Faso.

"Unité, Progrès, Justice" !
Captain Torus McCardigan
IAFV Sankara; (enroute)

P.S. >> In the matter of the ten united states dollars discrepancy in
exchange which would be to your favor, you of course may do as you
will; however, suggesting I would that at least a portion petite of
this windfall should be shared with my Mossi Brother, who at expense
of his own is undertaking this venture.

attachment:
i_love_you.vir
1K Download


from Sand Rider <sandrider@jacurutu.com>
to alainmkabore@voila.fr
date Mon, Oct 11, 2010 at 3:45 AM
subject Re: I TOO AM WAITING ALSO FOR YOUR URGENT CALL AND REPLY.



Mr. Kabore:

Having safely reached port at Lagos, Nigeria, on the 18th of the last month being September,
how disappointed was I to receive from my Mossi Brother in Burkina an awaiting message
to state that he had traveled at Ouagadougou in only three days, killing two camels and his
youngest nephew in the frantic attempt to reach you and conduct the business on my behalf
of which you had suggested, only to find that you, in the statement of fact, are not employed
with connection to the Bank of Africa, as you had indicated to myself in your last correspondence.

I had only time to rely message to my Mossi Brother the instruction to liquidate the stock
certificates at any rate possible (which of course resulted in an unfavourable exchange of
rate, to be equaling to centimes on the franc) and to take this capital stake and employ
it in the occupation of locating your person (after purchasing for himself atleast one new
camel, for which the tragically senseless death of the others I take most blame in, being
insistent as I was that he arrive to your office door at the utmost timeliness) before the Call
of Duty was sounded and I set sail for Port Harcourt to deal harshly with partisan terrorists
who had assumed occupation of oil refining equipment and personages under the ownership
of the Haliburton.

I will not bore you with details of this excursion, except to say that it resulted in a lengthy
campaign and a running battle up the River as far as to be into the Kogi province, before
a fortuitous result was obtained with the assistance of the Inc. Blackwater, and a miraculous
device of the United State Americans called the "predator drone". It was then that the scalping
of the partisan terrorists, the removal of their ankle-bones and the drying of their tongues for
Victory Souvenirs was to entail another few days, and then it was a fortnight before we were
able to track down and impale the criminals' wives and parents, cripple their sons, and sever
the noses of their daughters before turning them over to Cameroonian Guard for shipment
to Chad as training aids for their Army's Rape Programme.

So it was that I have only now arrived to Liberia, at Monrovia anchor, and have to access
of my inbox, only to find a message from my Mossi Brother in Ouagadougou that you
are not only unemployed from the Bank of Africa, you are not even believed to be in
Burkina Faso at all, but that the government has ordered a death sentence upon your
head in connection with fraud and tax evasion !

Oh, my friend Alain, how sad for you ! How sad for your wife, Tusembe, whom you
thoughtless left behind in Ouagadougou, who is now as I write this correspondence to
you pulling my Mossi Brother's cart back to Bobo-Dioulasso because he could only
purchase one camel after giving so many francs to the government official who informed
him of your status and the address of your wife and children, your parents, and your
wife's parents, and your wife's cousin, Jorge, who used to work at the glue factory
but had an unfortunate accident after his legs were cut off at the knees and he toppled
over into a vat of boiling adhesive ....

And now also I receive a communique from my Mossi Brother in Toulouse, who has the
good employment with FranceTelecom, that the email address you have used to contact
and solicit my involvement in your business adventure is housed on FranceTelecom
server in Cornebarrieu, and that the IP of computer used to retrieved messages from this
account resolves to the Library Publique of Aussonne.

Luckily then, Aussone is but 13 or so kilometres from my Mossi Brother's home in Saint
Cyprien district. It is my heartfelt suggestions, dear countryman, that you would meet
with willingness my Mossi Brother at the Cafe La Crémaillère, which location is 253
Avenue de la Republique (I assume you know of this establishment, it is adjacent to the
restaurant Pizza Way, near to the Pharmacie Sarthe - you can't miss it) in two days
time at 12 noon. Please to have in your possession the nine million four hundred thousand
US dollars of which you have spoken, or as much capital as you have in your possession or
can acquire before the prescribed date and time.

I have just now received my relief orders, and will be boarding a flight to Ouagadougou within
the hour; upon my landing, I will proceed to the location at which a cadre of my Mossi Brothers
have secure the personages of your parents, the husband of this coupling I will upon instant
decapitate and his ankle-bones will be removed. If at the before said time, I do not receive
from my Mossi Brother in France a message telling that your personage is within his sight,
the cadre of my Mossi Brothers will skull-fuck your mother until her brain matters are pushed
from her ear canals and onto the floor, after which I will personally scoop them up with a spoon
and eat them.

If you do not appear at the appointed place and time, my Mossi Brother has instructions
to locate you, remove your tongue, place you into a DHL container and ship you express
to Ouagadougou, where I waiting will be.

Oh, dear Sir, my dear countryman Alain Madhy, I do pray that you will keep to this
terms and meet my Mossi Brother, whether or not you have anything close to actual,
viable currency in your possession or not. I would be most satisfied with the money,
or the blood of your family, and of your home village and their livestock, washing over
my hands like the holy water of the River Niger ... it really makes no difference to me;
six of one, a dozen-half of the other ...

I remain,
yr obt svt.
Captain Torus McCardigan
IAFV Sankara; (TDY)


attachment:
DNS9384593_ lesparentsdeMonsieurKaboré.jpg 612KB
DND2387097_joliesfillesdeMonsieurKaboré.jpg 1.2MB
OuagadougouNouvellesQuotidiennes_homme_sans_jambes_tombe_à_mort_dans_un_accident_de_la_colle_usine_tragique.txt 16KB

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby Serkanner » 11 Oct 2010 04:47

:lol: ... I assumed these guys had given up, but apparently it still goes on till this very day.
"... the mystery of life isn't a problem to solve but a reality to experience."

“There is no escape—we pay for the violence of our ancestors.”

Sandrider: "Keith went to Bobo's for a weekend of drinking, watched some DVDs,
and wrote a Dune Novel."

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby SandChigger » 11 Oct 2010 09:00

I'm kinda more interested in the "legless man falls to death in an accident at the glue factory" bit at the end. :shock:

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby merkin muffley » 11 Oct 2010 10:41

:lol: I hope you find him.
"I must admit, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor...."

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby SandChigger » 11 Oct 2010 10:44

:shock:

Um... not "interested" in that sense. :roll:

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby merkin muffley » 11 Oct 2010 11:04

I meant that I hope SR or his Mossi Brother are able to find Mr. Kabore to complete the transaction. :wink:
"I must admit, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor...."

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby SandRider » 11 Oct 2010 11:59

yeah, you can't really tl;dr my shit when I get rolling good;
I do too many call-backs and expounded references ...

and your wife's cousin, Jorge, who used to work at the glue factory
but had an unfortunate accident after his legs were cut off at the knees and he toppled
over into a vat of boiling adhesive ....
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
ImageImage

I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people.
~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby smugetsu » 11 Oct 2010 12:19

This is fantastic, and made my Monday morning.

We get faxes with that kinda junk on it all the time, and I love that SandRider actually took the time and effort to respond, especially in such a (potentially) confusing manner.

Classic.
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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby Omphalos » 11 Oct 2010 12:58

:lol:

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby lotek » 11 Oct 2010 14:43

we all love a good ole fashionned southern induced nigerian confusion!

I have heard stories of people actually pretending they're being conned to keep the conmen busy on a wild goose chase; SR you are the Robin Hood of the interwebz
(you should have seen the reaction on the other side, these guys were complaining of the hindrance to their(illegal)ventures!)
Spice is the worm's gonads.

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby Robspierre » 11 Oct 2010 14:55

There are a couple of sites devoted to people who mess with the scammers, some crazy shit going on there :D

Rob

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby Kojiro » 11 Oct 2010 17:24

Yeah, I love it when people screw around with these guys. I mostly get scammers from the U.K. and former Soviet satellites now, though.
Has not religion claimed a patent on creation for all of these millennia?
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from Muad'dib Speaks

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby A Thing of Eternity » 11 Oct 2010 20:28

I'd love to fuck with scammers, next time I get one of their emails I'll have to come up with something fun...
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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby SandRider » 12 Oct 2010 09:38

I think the real trick to dealing with all this email stuff is to set up and maintain multiple
accounts - and I mean multiple ...

I have 20 accounts from my local ISP, on their servers -
three of those are used strictly for my personal (family) use -
one is the general that they can always get a message to me at, and everyone has,
one is just for the people I give a shit about (small list) and the other is for the people
like my idiot brother who forward bullshit mailings w/o using the BCC thing - so that address
is really open to the spammers, but hasn't been attacked too badly yet ...

two addresses are strictly for Company use, two are strictly for Union business, all the
people who use those are very aware of using BCC and other filters to protect the addresses ...

five of those addresses are used for various SCV & re-enacting/living history things - some
are private and some are more widely disseminated, but the "spam" I get on those are mostly
from companies or organizations I want to get unsolicited mail from - they mostly seem
to trade their lists amongst themselves, which makes sense - they've got a targeted list of
people interested in whatever they're doing/selling - if I sign-up for a mailing list from a black
powder armory, f'instance, and I start getting mail from another company that sells black powder
rifles and accessories, that's a win-win for all ... if all the companies would do the same, it would
be a useful thing ... of course, some companies attempt to protect their lists, but get raided, anyway ...

then I have all the MSN/Live, Yahoo, & Gmail accounts, for sockpuppets and spam ... I'm also
asshole enough to use Keith's wordfire email when some site wants an email to continue ...

I use Mozilla Thunderbird, which funnels all these accounts into one interface - and you can set it
to only retrieve the email headers, too, so you can dump the stuff you don't want at the server
and not download it to your machine ... that's useful ...

and BTW, I'm still having trouble getting the thunderbird to connect with the jacurutu mail;
it's not a thunderbird-gmail problem, I've got several gmail accounts that work fine - I think
it's having trouble at the login/password stage - but I can go directly to the jacurutu mail site
and log-on, using the exact same info ...

and also, as with the above, inter-acting with the spammers could increase the traffic from
them not only to your account, but to the domain; so what I did up there will probably increase
the spam on the @jacurutu.com addresses across the board, but then, this is a gmail, and all
those are open-season anyway .... I had several waiting for me the very first time I logged on,
so I don't feel so bad .... if you're going to use the @jacurutu.com, just be aware ... I've never
really been annoyed by that, tho ... I know how to delete shit I don't want to look at ...

I had one more point to make on this topic, but dang me if I can remember it now ...


oh yeah!

the other thing you can do by using all these accounts is keep watch on who trades your email
address, when & why ....

f'instance ... g'head & deactivate your Facebook account (you can't delete it, BTW);
wait two days and count the spam you start getting at that address ...

that really seems to be when the flooding will start - sign up for a service or subscribe to something,
then quit and they put your address on the market - which should be in their TOS, I think, and maybe
it is somewhere - we promise not to trade your email address to the Russian Mafia as long as you
continue to pay us the $5.95 a month for our useless service/content
...
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
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I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people.
~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby DuneFishUK » 12 Oct 2010 13:56

...more accounts than James C. Harwood... :o

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby lotek » 12 Oct 2010 15:39

who?
:mrgreen:
Spice is the worm's gonads.

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby A Thing of Eternity » 12 Oct 2010 18:16

Not the same as scammers, but a telephone company I hate (bad experience in past) always calls me to try and talk me into coming back, and I always say the same thing - "even if it were free I would still say no just to send a message to your boss, please write that down and tell your boss".

One time the guy was extra pushy, so I said sure, tell me all about it. After 20-30 minutes of me leading him on a goose chase, he came up with a price that was almost exactly half of what I pay now (I have big phone bills because of my work, 2 lines, fastest possiblle internet). Now, I didn't tell him that I knew he was full of shit, and that the 2 lines were actually 1 line with a special fax ring, or that I knew his fastest internet offer was going to run out in 6 months. I said, wow, half the price! Unfortunately as I've told your co-workers before, even if it was FREE I would still not come back to you as a matter of principal. Please write down that each person who calls me from now on I will waste twice the amount of time as the person before. I wasted 20 of your minutes, within a few calls I could be wasting hours, then whole days. Please write that down and tell your boss!

I could seriously waste whole days. I work from home, mostly paperwork, so I could just stick them on speaker phone and mumble something every 10 or 20 minutes until they gave up. I hate Telus. Fuckem.
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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby Omphalos » 13 Oct 2010 01:25

A Thing of Eternity wrote:Not the same as scammers, but a telephone company I hate (bad experience in past) always calls me to try and talk me into coming back, and I always say the same thing - "even if it were free I would still say no just to send a message to your boss, please write that down and tell your boss".

One time the guy was extra pushy, so I said sure, tell me all about it. After 20-30 minutes of me leading him on a goose chase, he came up with a price that was almost exactly half of what I pay now (I have big phone bills because of my work, 2 lines, fastest possiblle internet). Now, I didn't tell him that I knew he was full of shit, and that the 2 lines were actually 1 line with a special fax ring, or that I knew his fastest internet offer was going to run out in 6 months. I said, wow, half the price! Unfortunately as I've told your co-workers before, even if it was FREE I would still not come back to you as a matter of principal. Please write down that each person who calls me from now on I will waste twice the amount of time as the person before. I wasted 20 of your minutes, within a few calls I could be wasting hours, then whole days. Please write that down and tell your boss!

I could seriously waste whole days. I work from home, mostly paperwork, so I could just stick them on speaker phone and mumble something every 10 or 20 minutes until they gave up. I hate Telus. Fuckem.


Maybe you should stop using so many "pleases" and add a few more "fuck yous!"

I used to play this game with calling card people. Back before all the cheap technology for international calls we used calling cards. The mouse added time to one card, once, and it must have generated hundreds of calls from them. I came up with some pretty great ways to waste their time. A few times I cried on the phone, telling them that my mother had just died, and would they be my friend? Once I tried to sell the caller some Amway. Several times I tried to cash in my "free minutes" certificates. Lots of time they would ask for my wife and I'd say "sure, hold on," then put the phone down and come back every five to ten minutes to encourage them to wait "just a moment more." I honestly got someone to wait 70 minutes with that one once. A bunch of times I got them to wait for so long that the batteries in my cordless went dead.

I have the same "never again" attitude about CitiBank. I will never, ever go back to those fuckers, I don't care if they pay me 8% to use their fucking card. Forget it.

I frequently tell call marketers that whomever they are calling for is dead. I honestly noticed a marked drop in the number of calls after I started doing that.

Ah, memories.

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby A Thing of Eternity » 13 Oct 2010 14:57

My girlfriend gets their superviser on the phone and then rips their head off, because Canada has a do not call list, and we're on it. There's absolutely zero enforcement though, especially when the call centers are in the US or overseas, and apparently our gov actually sold the list of phone numbers on the don't call list to someone... seriously.

Anyways, she tears them a new one and they always hang up on her, so she phones them back and yells some more.
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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby A Thing of Eternity » 13 Oct 2010 15:00

Ha, I just remembered what I did a couple times, and should really do in the future too. I work from home, so when people call I tell them that this is not a residence it is a commercial number. That usually gets them to fuck off if they're telemarketers.

I should try that with Telus too, maybe they'd lose my scent for good and I could escape!
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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby Omphalos » 13 Oct 2010 16:44

We have a do not call list too, but there are lots of exceptions. There have been a few FTC enforcement actions. I'm thinking its time to hang someone out to dry again. That always kills these things for a while.

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby reverendmotherQ. » 13 Oct 2010 18:59

SandRider wrote:
or the blood of your family, and of your home village and their livestock, washing over
my hands like the holy water of the River Niger ... it really makes no difference to me;




:chuckles: This made my day.

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby SandRider » 13 Oct 2010 21:24

well, hello kiddo !

I'd been thinking of suggesting you for Magenta in the upcoming Halloween Week
Rocky Horror Picture Show Party, but I didn't know if you were going to be around;
figgered you been up to your neck in that school-work stuff ...
[edit] cf the "Happy Halloween" thread ... [/edit]

Eyes High as Janet, Mandy as Columbia ....

Chigger as Dr Scott .... Thing as Eddie .....

I think ChaniLuv is the obvious choice for Rocky ....

I'm not sure who's pure, innocent and naive enough for Brad ....

Omphalos as The Castle ...

these are just my suggestions, of course ....

[edit]
I see Freakzilla's already in costume ...

guess it's not too early ....
[/edit]
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
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I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people.
~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby Omphalos » 13 Oct 2010 22:34

SandRider wrote:Omphalos as The Castle ...


Bite me, Gramps. :character-oldtimer:

You may enter through the back door only. Be sure to bring a flashlight.

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Re: URGENT TRANSACTION REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE

Postby SandRider » 13 Oct 2010 22:38

I'll give you minute to re-read that and edit ...
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
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I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people.
~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008


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