Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

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Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby Freakzilla » 27 Jul 2011 15:08

by Associated Press, on Tue Jul 26, 2011 11:30am PDT

SAN JOSE, Calif. (AP) — A sentence in which tiny birds and the English language are both slaughtered took top honors Monday in an annual bad writing contest.

Sue Fondrie of Oshkosh, Wis., won the 2011 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for her sentence comparing forgotten memories to dead sparrows, said San Jose State University Prof. Scott Rice. The contestant asks writers to submit the worst possible opening sentences to imaginary novels.

Fondrie wrote: "Cheryl's mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories."

The University of Wisconsin professor's 26-word sentence is the shortest grand prize winner in the contest's 29-year history, Rice said.

Contest judges liked that Fondrie's entry reminded them of the 1960s hit song "The Windmills of Your Mind," which Rice described as an image that "made no more sense then than it does now."

The contest is named after British author Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, whose 1830 novel "Paul Clifford" begins with the oft-quoted opening line "It was a dark and stormy night."

The contest solicits entries in a variety of categories. John Doble of New York won in the historical fiction category:

"Napoleon's ship tossed and turned as the emperor, listening while his generals squabbled as they always did, splashed the tepid waters in his bathtub."

To take the prize for best purple prose, Mike Pedersen of North Berwick, Maine, relied on a thesaurus'-worth of synonyms:

"As his small boat scudded before a brisk breeze under a sapphire sky dappled with cerulean clouds with indigo bases, through cobalt seas that deepened to navy nearer the boat and faded to azure at the horizon, Ian was at a loss as to why he felt blue."

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Online:

Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest: http:// bulwer-lytton.com/


Next year we should enter some of KJA's writing.
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby Serkanner » 27 Jul 2011 15:51

He will finally win a contest.
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and wrote a Dune Novel."

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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby Omphalos » 27 Jul 2011 16:56

That last sentence certainly sounds like something he'd write.

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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby SadisticCynic » 27 Jul 2011 18:37

Omphalos wrote:That last sentence certainly sounds like something he'd write.


I was gonna say the same thing - adjectives galore!
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby Ampoliros » 27 Jul 2011 18:38

I don't think he'd qualify, since its his natural writing.

Now of course if we asked him to write a sentence for the 'Best' Writing Evar Contest then submitted it, he'd win top honors.
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby SandChigger » 28 Jul 2011 09:20

I love that contest. :lol:

(I think I've got a collection or two of winning and also-ran entries around here somewhere... :think: )

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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby SandRider » 28 Jul 2011 12:25

The contestant asks writers to submit the worst possible opening sentences to imaginary novels.



I'll assume the AP writer meant "contest", but whutevah .....


awright, then .... here's how this could go down ....

everybody scour tehKJA's hackings, findings some choice sentence that would fit the criteria of being an "opening sentence";
piss-poor quality and laughably bad examples should not be at all difficult to locate; in fact, the fun would be the "random
open page, point finger" approach ....

after determining the submission procedures, if each entry must be separately submitted, how many submissions per Identity, etc,
knitting appropriate sock-puppets and so forth, we simply bombard this contest with tehKJA-originated quotes, ensuring a "win"
by sheer numbers ...

after one of us has won, it can be revealed that the "quote" was actually a tehKJA sentence (approved & published by TOR)
and that the award should rightfully be presented to tehKJA ...
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby Freakzilla » 28 Jul 2011 14:26

Now we're getting somewhere...

:twisted:
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby Omphalos » 28 Jul 2011 15:09

Isn't KJA from Wisconsin too?

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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby A Thing of Eternity » 28 Jul 2011 16:17

:lol: I wonder if we could get in shit for submitting KJA's stuff, because man would that ever be amazing if we sent in some of his work and it won!
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby Freakzilla » 28 Jul 2011 20:12

A Thing of Eternity wrote::lol: I wonder if we could get in shit for submitting KJA's stuff, because man would that ever be amazing if we sent in some of his work and it won!


What's the worst that could happen, plagiarism?
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby Lawliet » 29 Jul 2011 00:29

A Thing of Eternity wrote::lol: I wonder if we could get in shit for submitting KJA's stuff, because man would that ever be amazing if we sent in some of his work and it won!

Let's do it! I'm already excited. :D
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby D Pope » 29 Jul 2011 18:58

Freakzilla wrote:
A Thing of Eternity wrote::lol: I wonder if we could get in shit for submitting KJA's stuff, because man would that ever be amazing if we sent in some of his work and it won!


What's the worst that could happen, plagiarism?

Why would it need to be submitted under an assumed name?
Leto II is gone for good, except for OM. The "pearl" was just that; a miniscule portion of what Leto was, and not a compressed version of the whole. The pearl that the worms have do not make them Leto, or in any way similar to him.
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby SandRider » 29 Jul 2011 23:09

no, I'm saying every body submit a sentence from Keith in their name or a sockpuppet or what-ever ....
when one of us wins, which with deck-stacking and sock-puppet-knitting is a mathematical certainty,
the true author can be revealed ...
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby D Pope » 30 Jul 2011 01:04

That works, sorry about being slow to catch on. :oops:
Leto II is gone for good, except for OM. The "pearl" was just that; a miniscule portion of what Leto was, and not a compressed version of the whole. The pearl that the worms have do not make them Leto, or in any way similar to him.
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby E. LeGuille » 30 Jul 2011 01:56

This contest won't work unless it's an Ultra-contest.
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby SandRider » 30 Jul 2011 19:10

D Pope wrote:That works, sorry about being slow to catch on. :oops:



absolutely fine, my communications are often in need of clarification ...

if General Ewell would've asked General Lee just exactly what he meant by "if practicable",
the Army of Northern Virginia would've been on "the High Ground" on the morning of the Second Day
of the engagement at Gettysburg, and burning Washington, D.C. to the ground by September ....
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby merkin muffley » 31 Jul 2011 09:34

SandRider wrote:
D Pope wrote:That works, sorry about being slow to catch on. :oops:



absolutely fine, my communications are often in need of clarification ...

if General Ewell would've asked General Lee just exactly what he meant by "if practicable",
the Army of Northern Virginia would've been on "the High Ground" on the morning of the Second Day
of the engagement at Gettysburg, and burning Washington, D.C. to the ground by September ....


It was obviously practicable. Ewell pussied out.
"I must admit, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor...."

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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby Freakzilla » 03 Aug 2011 21:57

merkin muffley wrote:
SandRider wrote:
D Pope wrote:That works, sorry about being slow to catch on. :oops:



absolutely fine, my communications are often in need of clarification ...

if General Ewell would've asked General Lee just exactly what he meant by "if practicable",
the Army of Northern Virginia would've been on "the High Ground" on the morning of the Second Day
of the engagement at Gettysburg, and burning Washington, D.C. to the ground by September ....


It was obviously practicable. Ewell pussied out.


Yup.
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Re: Wisconsin professor wins 2011 bad writing contest.

Postby SandRider » 03 Aug 2011 22:10

I don't know that I'd go that far .... altho that was essentially Genrl Hood's opinion ... albeit in a little different language ....


course now, a year & half later, after losing a leg and use of an arm and being daily dosed with enough opiates to make
Sherlock Holmes nervous, (not to mention getting dumped by the little teen-aged girl in Savannah) Genrl Hood did order
a frontal assault over three miles of open ground against semi-fortified works and a shitload of artillery @ Franklin ....
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
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I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
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