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    The Best of Thread

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    The Best of Thread

    Postby GamePlayer » 21 Nov 2008 15:43

    Given that Jacurutu's one year anniversary just passed, I thought it would be fun to compile a collection of all my best humorous contributions to our forum and it's fight against literary injustice. Though I enjoy Jacurutu and our community, our tendency to go off topic makes finding things very difficult (even with search), so I wanted my goodies collected into a super thread for posterity :P :wink:

    Is it fan wank? Is it self-congratulatory? Or is it just a good laugh on a slow Friday afternoon at work? Well, perhaps I have learned something from KJA: how to circle jerk like a wannabe professional :)

    The Best of...GamePlayer

    Write Club
    GamePlayer wrote:
    The Hacks Twain in Sandworms of Dune referring to the Butlerian Jihad wrote:They had unleashed countless atomic weapons that not only destroyed the thinking machines, but also trillions of human beings who had been held in slavery.


    Gentlemen, welcome to Write Club

    First rule of Write Club is, you must know how to write.

    Second rule of Write Club is, you must...know how...to WRITE!

    Third rule is, brevity is our friend, pedantry is not:

    They had unleashed countless atomic weapons that not only destroyed the thinking machines, but also trillions of human beings held in slavery.

    Fourth rule, don't contradict yourself with florid prose:

    They had unleashed a billion atomic weapons that not only destroyed the thinking machines, but also trillions of human beings held in slavery.

    Fifth rule, know the vernacular of the fictional world for which you're writing:

    They had unleashed a billion atomics that not only destroyed the thinking machines, but also trillions of human beings held in slavery.

    Sixth rule, don't treat the reader like a moron. Trust your readers will understand the simple concepts:

    They had unleashed a billion atomics that destroyed the thinking machines, and trillions of human slaves.

    Seventh rule, write bias when appropriate:

    They had unleashed a billion atomics that destroyed the thinking machines, and killed trillions of human slaves.

    Eighth and final rule, every time a new mediocre Dune book is written by talentless hacks, a potential literary talent goes undiscovered.


    Dr. House analyzes KJA
    GamePlayer wrote:Wow, this interview is a fucking goldmine into the insecurities of Kevin J. Anderson.
    My dear gawd, the moron doesn't even realize how transparent he is.
    Simply astounding :shock:

    Kevin J Anderson wrote:Q: Your books have been published since the late 80s. As hard as it might be to believe, there are probably readers out there who have never picked up a Kevin J. Anderson novel, so where would you recommend starting and why?

    Kevin: I think my best solo work is probably my Saga of Seven Suns series—seven volumes, and I just finished the last one. That series sums up everything I love about the science fiction genre.

    Q: Arguably, the Star Wars tie-novels that you wrote in the mid-to-late 90s including the Jedi Academy trilogy and the Young Jedi Knights series with your wife Rebecca Moesta were partly responsible for your early success.

    Kevin: I had published seven of my own novels before I was offered the Star Wars gig. The very year my first Star Wars book hit the bestseller list was also the year I was nominated for the Nebula Award for an original novel (written with Doug Beason)...

    ...Yes, it did bring my writing to millions of fans who had never heard of me before, and I’m very grateful.


    Diagnosis: Subject is extremely resentful that his most notable achievements in life are not his own work. The Subjects finds it very distressing to have achieved a wide audience only at the charity of a franchise with a large existing fan base who the Subject knows have only the expectation of Star Wars books and no expectation of the authors. The subject will, at every opportunity, attempt to distance himself from the reality of what made and maintains his career. This cry for legitimacy runs very deep and is no doubt compelling the Subject to continue publishing of his own, far less successful books in the desperate hope of somehow making his own mark in science fiction.

    Q: Focusing on the Dune books that you’ve been co-authoring with Brian Herbert, “Sandworms of Dune” was just released last year which completed the duology that brought to life Frank Herbert’s planned seventh novel in the original Dune sequence. Browsing through reviews, the novel received sort of a mixed response. What are your thoughts on how the duology turned out, and the difficulties of living up to such high expectations?

    Kevin: Brian and I have now written ten novels in the Dune universe, and they have been extremely well received, winning numerous awards and being selected as New York Times Notable book (absolutely unheard-of for a novel written in somebody else’s universe), many best-of-the-year lists, etc.


    Diagnosis: We have established the Subject's personal dichotomy requires him to publicly accept how he gained his professional success while at the same time deny his own need for franchise exploitation novels to maintain that success. But should the Subject be challenged on his credibility, the Subject will fervently cling to the dubious peer recognition gained through the success of the very books he resents so deeply. These token recognitions act as a shield behind which the Subject can hide to avoid facing his fear of being pigeonholed as a franchise exploitation writer.

    Q: Besides Brian Herbert, Rebecca Moesta and Dean Koontz, you’ve also collaborated with the aforementioned Doug Beason. What is it about teaming up with other writers/creators that you find so appealing and who else do you wish you could work with?

    Kevin: I enjoy brainstorming with fellow writers, exchanging ideas, and learning from other writers’ techniques. To me, it’s a natural thing, almost like a game, to work with someone else to tell stories. You have to check your ego at the door, make sure you both have the same vision for the novel, and lean on each other.


    Diagnosis: The Subject lacks confident belief in the strength of his own creative writing and is largely co-dependent upon others. While the Subject maintains an authoritative and even humbly modest facade publicly, the true pathology of the subject is his indecision. The Subject requires feedback on nearly every creative choice and can only then chose a course of action. Thus, co-workers and collaborators act as the Subject's enablers and are external substitutes for the Subject's own lack of confidence and decision making ability.

    Q: Because of your experience, what are your thoughts on the evolution of fantasy and science fiction (it’s acceptance in society/entertainment/media, productivity of original ideas, the different formats, publishing, etc.) and where do you see the genres’ going in the future?

    Kevin: When I was a teenager, I was just the strange geek who read Sci Fi. Today, the biggest grossing films each year are science fiction, dozens of TV shows are SF, genre books regularly hit high on the bestseller lists. It’s become mainstream—and I’m thrilled about it. It’s good not to be the weirdo anymore!


    Diagnosis: The Subject is unable to come to terms with the socially marginalized product upon which his professional life depends. This speaks volumes of the Subject's need for acceptance beyond the industry in which he has found success. The Subject wants society at large to accept him as a legitimate adult and professional in the mainstream, but cannot accept the fact that his tastes, such as science fiction, are still largely dismissed as low brow. The Subject feels like an awkward weirdo, no doubt due to experiences suffered in childhood and to a lesser degree in adult life. The Subject can sense the unspoken disdain for his line of work, but cannot face that fact. Worse still, the subject is keenly aware the vast majority of his fans are weirdos and while he accepts the financial/critical gains from those consumers, he again resents those responsible for his success.


    The Dune Demotivators
    GamePlayer wrote:Image

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    Posters and Animations
    GamePlayer wrote:Image

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    KJA and Co. as wannabe rappers
    GamePlayer wrote:Image

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    Enjoy! :)
    "They can chew you up, but they gotta spit you out."
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    Postby SandRider » 21 Nov 2008 16:53

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    ................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
    ImageImage

    I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
    how to fully interact with people.
    ~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008
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    Postby Omphalos » 21 Nov 2008 17:30

    Although Im pretty sure that Jacurutu's anniversary is sometime next year. :wink:
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    Postby Tleszer » 21 Nov 2008 17:58

    Omphalos wrote:Although Im pretty sure that Jacurutu's anniversary is sometime next year. :wink:


    You may be onto something Omph. :D
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    On Best works all time.

    Postby Sole Man » 21 Nov 2008 18:44

    I'd post all my great work, but I haven't written it yet.

    And I'm fucking my girlfreind an hour from now...
    Sole Man
     

    Re: On Best works all time.

    Postby A Thing of Eternity » 21 Nov 2008 19:11

    Sole Man wrote:I'd post all my great work, but I haven't written it yet.

    And I'm fucking my girlfreind an hour from now...


    Sure you are... :lol: :wink:
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    Re: On Best works all time.

    Postby TheDukester » 21 Nov 2008 19:22

    Sole Man wrote:And I'm fucking my girlfreind an hour from now...

    I thought the newer models took less time to inflate than that ...
    "Anything I write will be remembered and listed in bibliographies on Dune for several hundred years ..." — some delusional halfwit troll.
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    Re: On Best works all time.

    Postby Rakis » 22 Nov 2008 01:10

    TheDukester wrote:
    Sole Man wrote:And I'm fucking my girlfreind an hour from now...

    I thought the newer models took less time to inflate than that ...


    :lol:

    Great one, GP :)
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    Postby GamePlayer » 22 Nov 2008 01:23

    Whoops. I always get TAU and Jacurutu mixed up :)

    TheDukester
    That was comedy gold :)
    "They can chew you up, but they gotta spit you out."
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    Re: On Best works all time.

    Postby Tleszer » 22 Nov 2008 07:46

    TheDukester wrote:I thought the newer models took less time to inflate than that ...

    That's what she said. :wink:
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    Re: On Best works all time.

    Postby mielikki » 22 Nov 2008 14:01

    TheDukester wrote:
    Sole Man wrote:And I'm fucking my girlfreind an hour from now...

    I thought the newer models took less time to inflate than that ...


    quoted for sheer awesomeness.
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    Postby nymphitz » 27 Feb 2009 12:01

    Jacurutu has been open for over a year, and I've just now found you!... :cry:

    Better late then never I suppose.
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    Postby SwordMaster » 27 Feb 2009 16:42

    mielikki - Your avatar PWNZ thats the best Cat LOL ever!
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    Re: The Best of Thread

    Postby GamePlayer » 07 Jun 2009 22:59

    Updating the thread with a few gems I don't want to lose :)

    Image

    GamePlayer wrote:
    TheDukester wrote:Whoops; I spoke a bit too soon!

    "For readers waiting for the whole series, all 7 vols. of "Saga of Seven Suns" now out in paperback, each book delivered ON TIME. No excuses."

    Again with the "on time." I just don't get it; why in the world would he think that anyone cares?


    There has to be a good psychological treasure to be found in that characteristic of Keith.

    Keith mentions his amazing promptness repeatedly as if it's some fact that consumers/fans are supposed to care about, as you wrote. But it's not like he works for us, so what the fuck do we consumers care if he hands in his assignment to the teacher on time or not? It's almost as if, to him, timeliness is some benchmark of a good writer. He's positively anal about promptness, to a degree easily approaching obsession. As long as Keith thinks he's a good boy and get's affirmation from his father figure for promptness, in his mind that equals success as a story teller. The actual content of the book, well, who gives a shit about that? Obviously not his readers, because any other discriminating reader of taste wouldn't fucking touch a book "written" by Kevin J. Anderson.

    I gotta make a new demotivator about this KJA characteristic. Can you get me a screen shot of his twitter post? Pwitty please? :)


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