The horror.

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Lundse
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The horror.

Postby Lundse » 10 Sep 2009 08:23

Imagine this:
A reissue of Dune, edited to "fix" all of Franks mistakes (he obvisouly wasn't paying attention, since he didn't include all of the stuff from his own notes).

For your reading "pleasure":
By the half-light of a suspensor lamp, dimmed and hanging near the floor, the awakened boy could see a bulky female shape at his door, standing one step ahead of his mother. The old woman was a witch shadow -- hair like matted spiderwebs, hooded 'round darkness of features, eyes like glittering jewels. The jewels reminded Paul of Rheinvar the Magnificent and how his clothing would sparkle with tiny ice diamonds.
"Is he not small for his age, Jessica?" the old woman asked. Her voice wheezed and twanged like an untuned baliset.


And she was gone, pushing his mother out, closing the door with a solid thump.
Paul lay awake wondering: What's a gom jabbar?
In all the upset during this time of change, the old woman was the strangest thing he had seen. Except of course for the theater-laser-prism trap laid for the governor of Balut, and the destruction of a nunnery and subsequent flight and fight alongside Caladanian primitives, the hypnotizing Jongleurs and the inside of several guildships. But she was pretty darn strange.

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Ampoliros
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Re: The horror.

Postby Ampoliros » 10 Sep 2009 10:13

Where did you get your ARC of "Movie of Dune" by KJA?
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Freakzilla
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Re: The horror.

Postby Freakzilla » 10 Sep 2009 10:20

Ampoliros wrote:Where did you get your ARC of "Movie of Dune" by KJA?


He found it in his dad's safe deposit box. :wink:
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Drunken Idaho
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Re: The horror.

Postby Drunken Idaho » 10 Sep 2009 10:37

A middle is the time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are correct. This every sister of the Bene Gesserit knows. To begin your study of the life of Muad'Dib, then, take care that you first place him in his time: born in the 57th year of the Padishah Emperor, Shaddam IV. And take the most special care that you locate Muad'Dib in his place: the planet Arrakis. Do not be deceived by the fact that he was born on Caladan and lived his first fifteen years there, except for all those years on Ecaz, Grumman, and in the Galactic Circus. Arrakis, the planet known as Dune, is forever his place.
-from "Manual of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
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SandRider
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Re: The horror.

Postby SandRider » 10 Sep 2009 10:38

that is exactly like Arnolodo's fanfiction Over There.

He started in Dune Chapter One and rewrote tons of paragraphs just
like that, each character not only having foreknowledge of what was
going to happen to them, but also everything Frank & the Hack wrote,
all tied up in one big ball of fail.
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
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Ampoliros
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Re: The horror.

Postby Ampoliros » 10 Sep 2009 10:48

i thought about re-writing KJA's books to bring them more in line with canon. Then I realized i'd have to pratically rewrite the entire series.

Now I'm down to adding in a character that points out every obvious mistake. He'll have to show up more often than Duncan Idaho.

I was thinking of making him called Fail-bot, Last relic of the Jihad. He's the only thinking computer left kept as a warning as to why men should not have machines do their thinking. Malky + Lore + R2D2. What do ya think?
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SandRider
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Re: The horror.

Postby SandRider » 10 Sep 2009 10:50

his catch-phrase, in a metallic monotone, should be :

This is crap. It is full of fail and AIDS.
................ I exist only to amuse myself ................
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I personally feel that this message board, Jacurutu, is full of hateful folks who don't know
how to fully interact with people.
~ "Spice Grandson" (Bryon Merrit) 08 June 2008

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Freakzilla
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Re: The horror.

Postby Freakzilla » 10 Sep 2009 10:58

Ampoliros wrote:i thought about re-writing KJA's books to bring them more in line with canon. Then I realized i'd have to pratically rewrite the entire series.

Now I'm down to adding in a character that points out every obvious mistake. He'll have to show up more often than Duncan Idaho.

I was thinking of making him called Fail-bot, Last relic of the Jihad. He's the only thinking computer left kept as a warning as to why men should not have machines do their thinking. Malky + Lore + R2D2. What do ya think?


Think of this though, if you edit out the repetion you'll only have to cover the half that's left.
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TheDukester
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Re: The horror.

Postby TheDukester » 10 Sep 2009 11:05

After that, edit out all the modifiers. You'll be left with no more than 50 pages of "original" material from the last 10 years.
"Anything I write will be remembered and listed in bibliographies on Dune for several hundred years ..." — some delusional halfwit troll.

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lotek
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Re: The horror.

Postby lotek » 10 Sep 2009 11:11

you could still sieve out the unworhty material in what is left and reach the event horizon, the blackness of total void that sucks in all the light from the outside (most likely in its own backside then)
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Ampoliros
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Re: The horror.

Postby Ampoliros » 10 Sep 2009 11:43

Or how about a fireside chat from everyone's favorite robot historian, now that Erasmus finally defeated the Golden Path and robots rose through the tool Duncan Idaho.

Then I can do it in bullet points.
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rain_maker
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Re: The horror.

Postby rain_maker » 10 Sep 2009 11:48

lotek wrote:you could still sieve out the unworhty material in what is left and reach the event horizon, the blackness of total void that sucks in all the light from the outside (most likely in its own backside then)


Forget the LHC, humanity could study black holes and the beginning of the universe using this ^^^ method.
I had no idea that there were this many Frank Herbert fans left alive, what with the head exploding horror that is the KJA/BH atrocity.

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Re: The horror.

Postby Nebiros » 10 Sep 2009 19:58

If you want to re-write a book to make it more cannon, start with an easy one. Try editing House Atreides. This I believe is the least worst New Dune book in the eyes of most of the OH. Although I like this one, you could try to make it marginally more appealing to the OH.

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Lisan Al-Gaib
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Re: The horror.

Postby Lisan Al-Gaib » 10 Sep 2009 20:02

The singular multiplicity of this universe draws my deepest attention. It is a thing of ultimate beauty.

-- The Stolen Journals


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Ampoliros
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Re: The horror.

Postby Ampoliros » 10 Sep 2009 23:09

I have several pages of notes on WoD. perhaps I'll just type them up and upload them as a reading guide. I've dreamed of doing an Annotated Dune. Might as well start with the crap and save the good stuff for last.
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Redstar
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Re: The horror.

Postby Redstar » 10 Sep 2009 23:54

Ampoliros wrote:I have several pages of notes on WoD. perhaps I'll just type them up and upload them as a reading guide. I've dreamed of doing an Annotated Dune. Might as well start with the crap and save the good stuff for last.

Fuck yeah. I'd love an annotated Dune... But probably not from you. Sorry.

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SandChigger
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Re: The horror.

Postby SandChigger » 11 Sep 2009 07:14

:roll:

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Redstar
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Re: The horror.

Postby Redstar » 11 Sep 2009 07:20

Oh noes. The wrath of Chig extends to me this fateful morn'.

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SandChigger
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Re: The horror.

Postby SandChigger » 11 Sep 2009 07:28

Nah. Your comment just seemed more snitty than was called for. (Something I believe myself to be an expert on. ;) )

Maybe I've missed some altercation between the two of you?

Anyway, whose annotated version would you be interested in?

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Redstar
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Re: The horror.

Postby Redstar » 11 Sep 2009 07:35

Well I actually would enjoy one from anyone, really, just I'd prefer one from someone other than "guy on a forum". (I'd probably like something in the same satirical vein as Fitzpatrick's War, if you've read it)

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SandChigger
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Re: The horror.

Postby SandChigger » 11 Sep 2009 07:58

(Haven't, but know that it's by the same guy who wrote The Martian General's Daughter, which I bought based on a review by Omph, but haven't read yet. ;) )

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Redstar
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Re: The horror.

Postby Redstar » 11 Sep 2009 08:05

(I'd heard of it, but it seemed less interesting than Fitzpatrick's so I've yet to pick it up. To be honest that book is really only good if you enjoy history and seeing it "repeat itself". Otherwise it doesn't offer much of anything interesting besides the framing device)

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Ampoliros
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Re: The horror.

Postby Ampoliros » 11 Sep 2009 10:30

"Guy on a forum" no

Guy who's getting his master's degree in literature maybe?
Guy who loves Dune?
Guy who enjoys critical study?

If I go for a Doctorate in literature (which I probably won't) my dissertation would definitely be on Dune.
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SandChigger
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Re: The horror.

Postby SandChigger » 11 Sep 2009 12:52

you make bunny grin


(Just beating SR to the punch! :P )

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cmsahe
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Re: The horror.

Postby cmsahe » 11 Sep 2009 14:16

Lundse wrote:Imagine this:
A reissue of Dune, edited to "fix" all of Franks mistakes (he obvisouly wasn't paying attention, since he didn't include all of the stuff from his own notes).

For your reading "pleasure":.

It would be titled Dune by Beavis & Butthead. And...DO not give them ideas! :roll:
Only the books written by Frank Herbert are canon.


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